


If You Think It's Love

by Mallrat



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Fluff and Angst, notes and texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 23:55:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29498418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mallrat/pseuds/Mallrat
Summary: Toni decided so incredibly long ago that she hates Shelby, but when they're forced to sit next to each other in class she reconsiders. After they both get detention and start texting each other, Toni realizes she still has a lot to learn about Shelby. For whatever reason, Shelby seems to want to learn everything about Toni too."Do you like me? Circle one: yes or no""How about (absolutely not)"(Everyone goes to school together in Texas)
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 75
Kudos: 416





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't written fanfic before but felt inspired after reading all the other great stuff in this fandom!

Toni had always noticed Shelby. She always told herself it’s because Shelby was just too irritating to ignore with her thick Texan accent and picture perfect hair. Looking back on it, maybe there were other reasons she noticed her, but Toni would never ever admit to that.

After one particularly bad fight with Andrew, Shelby’s asshole boyfriend, Toni had decided to try her best to steer clear of their whole group for the rest of high school. That fight led to Regan breaking up with her so she really wanted nothing to do with Andrew, which by proxy meant Shelby too. Andrew and his friends loved to give Toni a hard time for just existing, especially since they could always get a strong reaction out of her. Shelby never said anything bad herself, but she didn’t need to as her silence spoke for her. Why else would Shelby hang around them if she didn’t agree with all the shit they said?

It was just Toni’s luck when her history class has assigned seating and places her right behind Shelby fucking Goodkind. It was the start of senior year and she had managed to avoid Shelby’s whole crowd for awhile. Now she had to stare at that annoying blonde hair for the entire class period. Shelby does what Shelby does best and pretends not to notice Toni’s eyes burning into the back of her head.

Toni really doesn’t believe in God when she goes to her next class period and she’s assigned lab partners with Shelby. It’s either that or God has a super fucked up sense of humor. This is so much worse than history class because at least they sat at separate desks there. They had to share a lab table here. “Oh you have _got_ to be kidding me,” Toni mumbles through gritted teeth as she sits next to Shelby.

“Well hello to you too Toni,” Shelby says while getting out her full kit of pencils and highlighters, always so prepared to take notes. 

Meanwhile, Toni fumbles through her backpack looking for the single pencil she owns and of course she can’t find it. “Um… can I actually borrow a pencil? I think I forgot mine back in history,” Toni very begrudgingly asks Shelby.

“Oh yeah of course, here,” Shelby hands Toni one of those nice mechanical pencils with the long eraser at the end that can be twisted up and down. 

“Damn why do I feel like even your pencil thinks it’s better than me.”

“You know for someone with a big ego you sure are letting that pencil get to you,” Shelby laughs lightly.

Toni scoffs, “Excuse me, my ego is like a healthy medium size at most.”

Shelby gives her a small eye roll and turns her attention back to the front of the class. 

Toni accidentally leaves with Shelby’s pencil. 

The next few weeks of school go by with no real incident. Toni and Shelby seem to have a mutual understanding that the best way for them to coexist peacefully is to just ignore each other. Shelby spends all class diligently taking notes so there isn’t much for Toni to be pissed about. 

They bicker once when Toni forgets to do the chemistry homework and asks to copy Shelby’s. “C’mon Shelby I know the big man upstairs is always watching but you’re not like gonna go to hell just because I copied your homework once,” Toni teases. “Pleaseee I would hate you like 10% less if you did me this solid.”

“Ugh fine, and give me some credit I’m not that uptight,” Shelby huffs and slides her homework over to Toni “but don’t make this a habit.”

“Okay you actually are though. You literally put a whole damn folder up between us when we take tests.”

“That’s because you’re distracting!” Shelby flushes slightly as she blurts this out. “You’re always spinning your damn pencil around and tapping your feet,” she clarifies.

“Um fine whatever maybe I’ll start putting a folder up between us too and not just during tests. It’s not like I really want to be here sitting next to you either.”

“Can you just shut up or maybe, I dunno, say thank you at least?”

“Wow Shelby thank you _so_ much for your generous charity. This was so nice of you it should probably count as volunteer work or something to really round out the rest of your college application. You’re definitely getting into heaven after this,” Toni says with as much sarcasm as possible. 

Shelby moves to snatch her homework back before Toni’s done copying it. 

“Wait! Okay okay, I’m just messing with you I’ll be quiet now! Thank you,” Toni says in a hurry. 

Toni is honestly surprised at how little they’ve butted heads despite being in two classes together. She kind of likes getting a rise out of Shelby though. So one particularly boring day in history class, Toni rips up a piece of notebook paper and starts making little paper balls. She pelts Shelby in the back of the head with them which earns her a single over the shoulder glare from Shelby. Unsatisfied with this reaction, Toni decides to fuck with her some more and scribbles out a note and passes it to Shelby. 

_Do you like me? Circle one: yes or no_

What Toni can’t see from her angle is the sudden blush spreading over Shelby’s face. She hands the note back to Toni with a dramatic eye roll. 

_How about (absolutely not) also stop throwing paper at me you’re such a child >:-(_

_okay i wasnt even the one who threw that maybe u shouldn’t go around accusing people of crimes they didn’t even commit. isn’t that like against one of the ten commandments or something?_

_so now not only are you annoying you’re also a liar?_

_ur the liar when u said u don’t like me <3 p.s. lying is a sin _

_i hate you so much now stop passing me notes you’re gonna get us in trouble_

_but im sooooo bored and it’s fun to annoy u_

_can’t you pass notes to like anyone else in this room but me? aren’t you supposed to hate me or something?_

_u sit right in front of me tho and if i have to stare at ur dumb ponytail all class i might as well make u suffer with me :-)_

_i swear if i fail the next test because you keep bothering me, looking at my ponytail will be the least of your problems_

_oh is that a threat?? that’s not very love thy neighbor of u. also what did you get for the multiple choice on the chem hw?_

_are you serious? i told you not to make this a habit (B, D, A, B, C, C, D) i don’t even know if i did the hw right so don’t count on me to get a good grade_

_listen i didn’t have time to do it last night bc basketball practice went late. it’s really hard being a star athlete and a total science whiz_

“Shelby?” their teacher calls as Toni passes the last note over. “Uh sorry can you repeat the question?” Shelby asks as she quickly turns to face the front of the classroom. 

“Do you and Toni want to share what’s so interesting with the class?” 

Toni thinks about dropping out right then and there. They both get after school detention for the note passing. Shelby looks at Toni like she is going to personally banish Toni to hell.


	2. Chapter 2

“This is so not fair! The school just wants us for our free labor,” Toni complains as she gets assigned to cleaning gum off of the bottom of desks with Shelby “it’s honestly cruel and unusual punishment to make us stay after school right before Thanksgiving break. Plus I’m stuck here with you of all people.” 

“Well maybe if someone had actually paid attention in class instead of bothering me, we wouldn’t be here right now,” snapped Shelby. “I’ve never even been in detention before and trust me I’m not thrilled being forced in a room with you either.”

“Excuse me for being bored and wanting to have some fun. Not all of us can be perfect okay.”

“I never said you have to be perfect. And don’t act like you know anything about me okay?” Shelby for once actually sounds upset. 

Toni can tell she’s hit a nerve and decides to push it because she just can’t help herself. “Um okay you win pageants which is like someone just handing you a trophy for being hot and talented or something right? I really don’t think you need to worry about detention ruining your perfect record.” 

“You think I’m hot?”

Toni’s head snaps over to look at Shelby and quickly blurts out, “That is absolutely _not_ what I said. Pageants just have an antiquated scoring system that some old white people invented with an automatic curve for blonde white girls.”

Shelby tries not to smile and pauses. She seems to consider just dropping it and changing topics, but she takes a deep breath and says, “it’s hard when everyone thinks you’re perfect when you’re really so far from it because you know it just takes one mistake for them to all figure it out.” 

Toni bites her lip and wonders how they suddenly got to this conversation. They barely speak to each other and now it feels like Shelby’s admitting something very personal to her. “Yeah I guess when you’re a huge fuck up like me people are just impressed when they find out I can read and count to ten,” Toni says in an attempt to lighten the mood. 

Shelby laughs and shakes her head, “Yeah I remember being a little shocked when I saw you reading a full on novel one day before class had even started.”

“Ha yeah I guess I’ve got brains and brawn so you know, the full package,” Toni says while suppressing a smile and ignoring how good it feels to be the one who made Shelby laugh. 

They continue scraping gum off the bottom of the desks in comfortable silence for a few minutes. “Oh gross look at this one! It’s like someone chewed a million different flavored pieces of gum and then stuck it under here,” Toni points at the glob like a kid proudly showing off a worm they just found.

Shelby scrunches her face and sticks out her tongue, “Ugh disgusting. Huh, it kind of looks like a face if you look at it from this angle.”

“Whoa yeah, I gotta take a picture. Fatin’s gonna get a kick out of this,” Toni whips out her phone. “Wait, I’m gonna scrape if off and then hold it up like a fish I caught, can you help take a photo of me?”

Shelby laughs pretty hard at this idea and eagerly nods her head, reaching for Toni’s phone. 

**Toni:**

_lmao fatin look at the catch of the day_

_[photo of Toni beaming with her huge gum glob]_

**Fatin:**

_what the fuck_

_wait is that in Sherman’s classroom?_

**Toni:**

_yeah dude_

**Fatin:**

_you found my gum collection!_

**Toni:**

_wtf ur sick_

**Fatin:**

_helps me pass the time_

_having fun with Shelby?_

**Toni:**

_to be determined_

**Fatin:**

_is she reciting bible verses at you yet_

_i hope she knows she won’t be able to pray the gay out of you_

**Toni:**

_fuck off_

“You should put that thing in Mr. Sherman’s desk or something,” Shelby suggests.

Toni’s eyes widen in shock, “Is Shelby Goodkind of all people suggesting I prank the teacher?” 

Shelby uses a tissue to gingerly pick up the enormous gum glob and opens up one of the bottom drawers of the front desk and drops it in. She looks at Toni with a smug ass grin. 

“He’s totally gonna know that was us whenever he eventually finds that but wow I did not think detention today would end with you pulling a prank,” Toni’s shaking her head in disbelief. 

“See I told you you don’t know anything about me.”

“Yeah guess you were right for once,” Toni admits. 

“For the record, I don’t think you’re a huge fuck up,” Shelby says softly. It takes Toni a minute to even remember the earlier conversation she’s referencing. She looks away avoiding Shelby’s eyes when she feels her face heating up and wonders where the hell that comment came from.

Toni clears her throat roughly. “Uh thanks, I guess that makes one of us.” She’s suddenly very aware of Shelby’s eyes on her and pretends to be hyper focused on an exceptionally stuck piece of gum on the bottom of the desk. 

“Here let me help you with that,” Shelby offers as she scoots over to where Toni is crouched under a desk. Toni is suddenly very aware of how close their bodies are. Shelby’s arm grazes her’s as she reaches over to help scrape at the gum. Toni feels a tingling sensation in the pit of her stomach and decides to ignore that because what the fuck is Shelby Goodkind of all people giving her butterflies? 

The classroom door whips open as their teacher comes in to check on them, and Shelby instantly jumps back to put some space between them. “Goodkind, Shalifoe y’all can get going now. You’ve done your time,” Mr. Sherman barks at them.

Toni hastily gathers her stuff and rushes out the door first without saying goodbye to Shelby as she’s pretty spooked from whatever moment they just shared together. Toni had made up her mind so long ago that she would never like Shelby so why does it feel like maybe she could?

She heads out to the parking lot where Martha is waiting to pick her up.

“So did you kill Shelby or something?” Martha asks jokingly. 

Toni rolls her eyes. “Maybe if I had been there any longer I would’ve, but no we both managed to make it out in one piece.” 

“She isn’t that bad if you just give her a chance. She’s honestly really sweet.”

“Yeah yeah, I know she’s put her charm spell over you but you’ve seen firsthand how Andrew treats me, plus you somehow see the good in everyone, I think a bear could try to maul you and you’d be like awww he’s just trying to be my friend” Toni sighs trying not to think about all the fights she’s gotten into with him and his friends. “Whatever, I’m just excited to not have to think about her again until after break.”

“Yeah, but she’s not Andrew. Why were you even passing notes with her in the first place? I once asked if you wanted to see a movie with the two of us and I’m pretty sure your exact words were ‘I’d rather eat sand for two hours than sit in a dark room near Shelby’ and then you mentioned something about her not being a real friend and that I was just another charity case to her,” Martha looks at Toni pointedly. 

“I was bored out of my fucking mind and she sits right in front of me,” Toni says with a shrug. “Okay maybe I was a little harsh back then and it is possible that Shelby likes you as an actual person because you’re great I just don’t know if I have that much faith in her.”

“Isn’t Rachel in that class too?” 

“She sits like three rows away from me at a diagonal, it would’ve taken the entire fucking postal service to get a note over to her,” Toni defends, not sure why she’s being interrogated about this. “Besides, messing with Shelby is more fun than like discussing basketball plays with Rachel because that’s all she ever wants to talk to me about.”

“Hm okay. I just can’t believe you got Shelby of all people in trouble with you,” Martha says with a laugh. 

“Yeah talk about my own personal hell,” Toni mutters as she thinks about Shelby’s laugh and smile. 

That night Toni gets a text.

**unknown number:**

_Hey this is Shelby! You left your gym bag in detention but don’t worry I grabbed it for you_

_and before you ask Martha gave me your number_

**Toni:**

_i can’t believe marty would betray me like that_ 😤 _and to think i thought of her as a sister_

Toni makes a new contact in her phone for Shelby and enters her name in as Shelby Badmean. She sends a screenshot of it back.

**Shelby:**

_oh haha very funny I’ll pretend I haven’t heard that one before_

_if you’re gonna be annoying at least be original_ 🙄

**Toni:**

_most geniuses are under appreciated during their time_

_thanks for picking up my bag_

_i’ll grab it from you after break_

**Shelby:**

_okay if you need it before i can drop it off or something_

**Toni:**

_nah it’s chill breaks only a week so i’ll just let my sweaty gym clothes stink up ur room_ ❤️

**Shelby:**

_oh wow i was wondering where that smell was coming from jk jk_

_is this you asking me to do your laundry for you?_

**Toni:**

_yeah get your live in butler to do it i’m sure he’s dying to do something other than rearrange all the throw pillows around your house_

**Shelby:**

_i don’t have a live in butler but okay fair enough we do have a lot of throw pillows_

**Toni:**

_are any of them like the kind with dumb sayings embroidered on them?_

**Shelby:**

_it’s almost like you’ve been to my house or something_

_are you stalking me?_

**Toni:**

_i mean ur white so it’s rly not hard to guess_

_please send a photo of the worst one_

**Shelby:**

_fair enough_

_[photo of a beige pillow with the phrase “begin each day with a grateful heart” embroidered across it]_

_even i’ll admit this one’s pretty eye roll worthy_

**Toni:**

_LOL no way that’s the worst one i was expecting one with like a cross on it that says eat, pray, love, psalm 4:20 or something_

**Shelby:**

_i mean i would not put it past my mom to buy something like that_

_i guess one day you’ll just have to come over and see the full throw pillow collection for yourself_

**Toni:**

_yeah now i’m dying to know what your bedroom looks like_

_bet you’ve got a stuffed animal collection on your bed or something_

Toni sees Shelby start and stop typing multiple times as she registers how this could be interpreted and starts to get nervous that she’s unintentionally made Shelby uncomfortable. 

**Shelby:**

_i will neither confirm nor deny that_

**Toni:**

_ooo so mysterious_

_i bet your favorite stuffed animal u own is a bunny_

**Shelby:**

_okay coming to terms with how basic i must be if you can guess all of this or you’re actually stalking me_

**Toni:**

_i just read a lot of nancy drew growing up so i’m basically a master detective now_

_but also ur basic_

**Shelby:**

_well now you’re the mysterious one i didn’t peg you as a nancy drew fan and i literally can’t even begin to imagine what your room looks like_

_do you have like basketball themed bedsheets or something? oh you must have one of those trashcans with the basketball hoop above it_

_ya know since you play basketball and everything_

Toni debates whether or not to tell Shelby that she actually moved into Martha’s brother’s old room so she’s not too far off with her assumptions about the room decor. She also considers telling her about the cigar box where she keeps her collection of various souvenirs from everywhere she’s lived, but letting Shelby into her life like that feels too personal for someone she doesn’t even consider a friend yet. 

**Toni:**

_im beginning to think the only thing you know about me is that i play basketball_ ****

**Shelby:**

_Well you aren’t exactly very talkative with me_

_So is this a yes or no on the basketball trash can?_

**Toni:**

_i actually sleep in one of those racecar beds_ 🏎

**Shelby:**

_LOL sounds like you’d get along with my little brother_

_you act about as mature as him_

**Toni:**

_omg i didn’t know u have a little brother_

_is he as insufferable as u?_

**Shelby:**

_i mean as I said before we don’t really talk so i’m not surprised_

_i have a sister too believe it or not_

**Toni:**

_yeah what the fuck why am i talking to you rn? is this a trap to convert me to christianity_

**Shelby:**

_even i know a lost cause when i see one_

_omg ok that felt mean i’m sorry i didn’t mean it!!_

_or i guess i kind of mean it because in what world would someone be able to convert you but i didn’t mean it like that and that’s not what im trying to do anyway_

**Toni:**

_hahahaha it’s cool i know what u mean and good i’d be forced to fight u if that was the case_

**Shelby:**

_yeah i’d definitely lose that one even if you’re tiny_

**Toni:**

_excuse me i’m the basketball captain which automatically adds 2 feet to my height_

**Shelby:**

_okay sure you’re very tall toni_

_i need to go bed now, goodnight_

**Toni:**

_god forbid the princess doesn’t get her beauty sleep_

_oh wtf it is late i didn’t realize_

**Shelby:**

_yeah you’re always distracting me and now i’ve missed my precious bedtime_

_hope you have a good thanksgiving_

**Toni:**

_well mine can’t possibly be worse than the first one right_

**Shelby:**

_damn i should’ve seen that one coming_

**Toni:**

_wow did shelby goodkind just swear?????_

**Shelby:**

_yes but only as a diversion tactic_

_ok seriously goodnight now_

**Toni:**

_hahaha okay goodnight Shelby_


	3. Chapter 3

Toni wakes up the next morning thinking about who she spent the entire night texting. It fucks with her head all day as she wonders why Shelby would want to talk to her in the first place and why Toni kind of wants to text her again. Toni is stubborn as hell so she doesn’t change her mind easily once she’s made it. There’s no way she could ever be real friends with Shelby. She thinks about the weird glances Shelby would throw towards her and Regan back when they were still dating. 

“Hey, help me check on the pie,” Marty asks. Toni nods and pulls the sweet potato pie out of the oven. Every year for Thanksgiving, the two of them make pies together with the rest of Marty’s siblings. Toni doesn’t always feel like she has much to be thankful for, but Marty is the exception to this. She had bounced around countless foster homes before Marty’s mom took her in after Marty’s siblings all grew up and moved out. 

“Oh did Shelby text you? She said you left some stuff in detention?” 

“Yeah she did. Can’t believe you gave her my number.”

Martha rolls her eyes, “I did tell her that I could just pass the message along and warned her that you might not be the friendliest but she still asked for your number anyway because like I said before she’s a sweetheart.”

After the pie cools, Toni draws a smiley face with a tongue sticking out on it using whipped cream (:·P) . She snaps a photo of it and as if she’s been momentarily possessed she sends the photo to Shelby. Right after she hits send, she immediately feels dumb because she didn’t even have anything to say after the photo so now Shelby was just getting a random photo of a smiling pie for no reason. Toni goes and throws her phone on the couch as if it’s a bomb and decides to just not look at it until after dinner. 

**Shelby:**

_cute, you inspired me to be more creative with my pie_

_[photo of a key lime pie with a smiley face : ) ]_

**Toni:**

_wow watch out michelangelo there’s a new artist on the block_

**Shelby:**

_michelangelo from teenage mutant ninja turtles?_

**Toni:**

_Shelby….…michaelangelo as in the renaissance artist who the turtle is named after_

_u know the one who painted the sistine chapel_

**Shelby:**

_oh_

_wow_

_hard to recover from this one_

_gonna blame it on the fact that my brother loves those freaking turtles_

**Toni:**

_HAHAHA fuck i can’t believe i was the one copying your homework_

_god couldn’t have assigned me a smarter lab partner?_

**Shelby:**

_God works in mysterious ways_

_at least i have my good looks_

**Toni:**

_yeah that combined with your white privilege will get u way further than knowing anything about renaissance painters_

_but also has ur brother watched the TMNT movies with megan fox?_

_the scene where she puts on the school girl outfit is_ 🥵

**Shelby:**

_wow i should just hand my phone over to my little brother i think y’all have more in common_

**Toni:**

_hahahaha is he into minecraft? i’ll play with him_

_tbh i’ve never even seen the full movie i’ve just seen a youtube clip of that scene also don’t think i want to discuss girls with your little brother_

_i still resent being compared to a like 12 year old boy even if its maybe accurate_

**Shelby:**

_LOL i’m imagining your search history is just like “megan fox hot movie clips” and lord I’d die if you played minecraft with my brother that would be so funny_

**Toni:**

_okay i respect megan fox for her mind too you know but like yes ur not wrong_

_i mean have you seen the movie jennifer’s body??_

**Shelby:**

_nope_

**Toni:**

_yeah idk why i even asked but that movie fucking rules_

_probably not up your alley tho even if it’s an under appreciated classic that was ahead of it’s time_

_a good christian girl like you would most likely combust into flames if you watched it_

_does god let you watch rated R movies?_

**Shelby:**

🙄 _i know my family’s religious but i don’t live in the 1800s or something_

**Toni:**

_LOL now im imagining u have to eat like porridge every morning and read by candlelight at night_

_is that what they did back then?_

**Shelby:**

_hahahaha we do have electricity and running water but my dad is sorta strict about no junk foods in the house though_

**Toni:**

_wtf that is so sad Shelby_

_what do you even eat then?_

**Shelby:**

_I mean there is food other than junk food_

**Toni:**

_yeah but what do you snack on?_

_i bet u eat a lot of like baby carrots and pita chips dipped in hummus_

**Shelby:**

_yeah that and a lot of granola_

**Toni:**

_i fucking knew it_

_so no chips?? i fucking love chips_

**Shelby:**

_What’s your favorite chip?_

**Toni:**

_i’ll eat any chip but my favorite junk food snack is def takis which isn’t technically a chip but i think it falls under the chip category like cheetos_

Toni and Shelby continue texting intermittently over Thanksgiving break. Neither person tries to end the conversation at any point. Toni is surprised at how easily they talk to each other even if they spend most of the time making fun of each other. 

**Toni:**

_you don’t have any pets? your family seems like the kind to get a golden lab from a breeder or something fancy like that_

**Shelby:**

_lol my siblings have always wanted a pet but my dad always says no_

**Toni:**

_damn what an asshole_

_marty fucking looves animals so there’s always a pet over here_

_we’ve got 2 cats right now and i think marty’s got like 3 fish from the fall fair in her room right now_

_she kept making me play that rigged cup game so she could “save all the goldfish” after i won the first 3 i had to tell marty we aren’t turning your room into an aquarium_

**Shelby:**

_wow those fish always die after a few days whenever i try bringing them home i never understood why they give those out as a fair prize but that sounds like Martha_

_please send photos of your cats_

**Toni:**

_if u insist_

_[selfie photo obviously taken while laying in bed with one striped cat cuddled up against Toni’s face]_

_this is toast idk where the other one is so this is all you get for now_

**Shelby:**

_oh my god cutie_

**Toni:**

_thanks for finally admitting i’m cute_

**Shelby:**

_…i was obviously talking about the cat_

**Toni:**

_mmhmm that’s what they all say_

**Shelby:**

_good lord you’re so freaking annoying_

**Toni:**

_and yet ur still talking to me_

_wait the other cat just came in the room_

_[blurry closeup photo of a light orange cat]_

**Shelby:**

_aww this photo is so bad but I get the idea_

**Toni:**

_yeah the fucker won’t stay still_

**Shelby:**

_What’s their name?_

**Toni:**

_That one’s butter_

**Shelby:**

_wow toast and butter?_

**Toni:**

_yup_

**Shelby:**

_that’s cute did u name them?_

**Toni:**

_hahaha yeah I thought I was a genius when I came up with that_

“Okay who do you keep texting?” Martha looks at Toni curiously.

“Huh? No one. Just like the usual people. Like my friends or whatever. Like Fatin,” Toni tries avoiding the question. 

“Um okay… should I just pretend that that wasn’t the world’s most suspicious reply ever? I keep seeing you smile at your phone all night before bed,” says Martha. They’ve been sharing a room over break as her siblings came back to visit and needed a place to sleep. “And I know you do not smile that much just from texting Fatin even if she is hilarious.”

“Okay you’re overanalyzing and stop watching me you’re being creepy. And I’m not even smiling that much.”

“I’ll stop looking if you tell me whoever this new girl is.”

Toni groans, “There’s no new girl Marty, now leave me alone and go to sleep before I smack you with this pillow.” She pulls the blanket over her head and rolls over on her side to continue looking at her phone. 

**Shelby:**

_you did the history hw right?_

**Toni:**

_yes mom_

**Shelby:**

_just making sure i’d hate for you to have to copy from me since it was an essay assignment_

**Toni:**

_lmao yeah mr. sherman would be like toni why are you suddenly writing with a southern accent_

**Shelby:**

_okay how does one write with a southern accent_

**Toni:**

_idk but i can totally hear your annoying voice whenever i read your texts_

**Shelby:**

_i’ll have you know that i have the voice of an angel_

**Toni:**

_aren’t the real angels from the bible like really scary or something? im basing this off a meme i saw once_

**Shelby:**

_you know for someone who isn’t Christian you sure bring up the bible a whole lot_

**Toni:**

_only to annoy you is it working?_

**Shelby:**

_not as much as you want it to_

**Toni:**

_damn guess i gotta try harder then_

_ugh i do not want to go back to school_

**Shelby:**

_same i have the most irritating lab partner who i’ll have to see again_

**Toni:**

_wow that’s so funny bc i’m actually in the exact same situation!_

**Shelby:**

_weird i guess we have more in common than i previously thought_

**Toni:**

_btw don’t forget my gym bag i have basketball practice after school and i need my shoes_

**Shelby:**

_yeah don’t worry i left it in my car_

**Toni:**

_cool thanks_

Shelby’s already in her seat when Toni walks into history class the next day. She seems extra focused on her textbook and doesn’t look up when Toni walks by. Toni taps the other girl on the shoulder to get her attention.

“My gym bag?” is all Toni says when Shelby turns around to face her. 

“Oh yes here ya go,” Shelby hands the bag over from under her desk and seems kind of shy when she asks, “Have a good break?”

Toni looks up and pauses as if she really needs to mull over her answer, “Yeah it was fun, kinda spent more time on my phone than usual though, you?”

Before Shelby can answer, the bell rings for class to start and she turns back around. Toni has gotten to know Shelby a lot better over the last week but they’ve still barely talked to each other in real life. It kind of feels like their texts happened in a different reality. Toni spends the class looking at the back of Shelby’s head and wondering what she’s thinking. She thinks about passing her a note, but after what happened last time she’s pretty sure Shelby would rather eat the note than pass one back. 

They’re sitting next to each other in chemistry class and there’s obvious awkward tension in the air as they still haven’t really acknowledged the fact that they spent the entire break talking. It’s driving Toni crazy that Shelby’s ignoring her as if they didn’t just stay up late texting. What Toni doesn’t realize is Shelby’s just trying to play it cool because she knows Toni’s the type to put up walls if anyone tries to get close to her. Toni pulls out a clean sheet of notebook paper and slides it between her and Shelby after writing something on it. 

_you didn’t get to tell me about your break_

Shelby’s eyes flutter down to the paper between them and a small smile forms on her face. She reaches over to jot down her reply.

_are you trying to get me in trouble again?_

_detention with you might not be the worst thing to happen to me_

_wow really? are you saying you don’t hate me anymore?_

_don’t go putting words in my mouth but perhaps you’ve been promoted to my mild dislike tier. it’s gonna take more than one forced hang out in detention to win me over_

_i’ll take what i can get_

_who knows if we keep it up by graduation we could be aquantinces, acquantinces? however the fuck do you spell that word_

_i bet you $5 by graduation you’ll admit you like me_

_u don’t wanna make bets with me_

_afraid you’ll lose?_

_no but you can’t really prove this one so i’ll just lie to get my $5_

_true i take it back_

_okay ur distracting me stop sending me love notes i’m trying to pay attention_

Shelby smacks Toni on the arm lightly after reading her last message. Deciding she wants to have the last word, Shelby draws a heart and writes “you wish” in it and sticks her tongue out at Toni before turning her attention back to the lesson. 

Toni feels her chest tighten a little at this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the nice comments and thanks to everyone who has read this so far! hoping to be able to update somewhat regularly


	4. Chapter 4

“So what’s up with you and Shelby?” Fatin asks Toni during lunch. It’s the day before winter break and all the seniors are antsy to have the next few weeks off. 

“What’re you talking about?” Toni deflects.

“I heard you guys actually talk to each other in class and not just to argue. Nora said you even got in trouble the other day because the two of you couldn’t stop laughing at something”

“Well we’re lab partners so it’s like I’m forced to talk to her and I figured I shouldn’t be a huge bitch about it, and in my defense I was only laughing because Shelby almost lit her hair on fire during our experiment and I started imagining a bald Shelby which was just fucking hilarious,” Toni feels a little embarrassed having to explain herself. “It’s not like a big deal or anything. We just talk in class and I text her about the homework.” 

“Chill, I’m only asking because I’m surprised that’s all. Toni and Shelby becoming friends was not on my senior year bingo card”

“Trust me it wasn’t on mine either. Still up for debate if we’re friends yet.”

Dot slams down her lunch tray next to them.

“What’s up your ass Dot?” Fatin asks jokingly.

“I just can’t wait to get out of this stupid dump. Please tell me you’re throwing a New Year’s party again,” begs Dot.

“Yeah my parents will be out of town as usual so obviously party at mine.”

Toni lets her gaze wander over to where Shelby’s sitting with her best friend, Becca, and of course Andrew. He’s making Shelby watch as he chugs a bottle of Gatorade, as if performing some strange heterosexual mating ritual. She seriously does not know what Shelby sees in that guy. 

“Hey you should invite Shelby to my party,” Fatin suggests to Toni.

“What?”

“I mean unless you don’t want her there. I just figure an uptight Christian girl like her could use a party,” Fatin shrugs.

“Yeah she definitely could, her dad is like no joke the scariest dude I’ve ever met. Like when he smiles it’s only with his mouth not with his eyes if you know what I mean,” Dot explains. “I used to carpool with her when we were younger and he’d make us listen to sermons in the car. It was actual hell.”

“Um yeah I guess I can ask her. God she better not bring Andrew though,” says Toni. 

“He sucks and his friends are annoying assholes but I’d probably still fuck some of them if they just kept their mouth shut during it,” Fatin says between bites of her lunch.

“Fuck gross, please do not tell me things like that, I’m trying to eat my lunch,” Toni moves to cover her ears.

“I did actually hook up with Ryan once at a party—”

“Nope. No. That’s enough,” Toni cuts her off before she can tell the rest of that horror story.

“Consider this payment for keeping my mouth shut,” Fatin laughs and steals a chicken tender off of Toni’s lunch tray.

Toni and Shelby get along well enough in class now, but they still steer clear of each other outside of it. Whenever they text, Toni feels like she’s seeing a version of Shelby that no one else gets to see. Now that winter break has started, the two of them go back to texting on an almost daily basis. 

**Shelby:**

_[photo of a bag of Takis]_

_this made me think of you_

**Toni:**

_whoa who let you get a hold of that contraband??_

**Shelby:**

_I’m at Becca’s_

**Toni:**

_ah i see_

_don’t go too wild over there_

**Shelby:**

_trying not to but I think I ate too many and now I’m gonna burn a hole in my tongue_

**Toni:**

_careful, can’t win pageants if u lose ur tongue_

_or that could be like your sob story that actually wins over the hearts of all the judges and makes u more likable_

**Shelby:**

_hahaha I’ll keep that in mind_ ****

**Toni:**

_so do you miss me yet?_

**Shelby:**

_hmm I think I’m enjoying my Toni break so far but it’s only been like 5 days since I saw you so ask me again in a week and perhaps i’ll have a different answer_

**Toni:**

_that’s fair i did almost set ur hair on fire the other day_

**Shelby:**

_don’t remind me I’m still recovering from that_

**Toni:**

_hahaha i gotta make one of those edits where it looks like ur bald_

**Shelby:**

_I’m blocking ur number_

**Toni:**

_okay here’s an artist rendering of what you’d look like_

_[poorly edited image of Shelby’s face on an egg]_

**Shelby:**

_wow did you do that all by yourself? who knew you had so many talents_

**Toni:**

_yeah im pretty humble so i don’t brag too much about all the skills i have_

**Shelby:**

_mmm yeah when I think Toni I definitely think: humble_

**Toni:**

_oh yeah? what else comes to mind when you think about me?_

**Shelby:**

_annoying, irritating, pain in my neck_

**Toni:**

_okay those are all just synonyms for annoying_

**Shelby:**

_you’d just make fun of me if I actually said anything nice about you_

**Toni:**

_u have nice things to say about me?_

**Shelby:**

_maybe_

**Toni:**

_name one_

**Shelby:**

_are u gonna make fun of me right after_

**Toni:**

_pinky promise i won’t_

**Shelby:**

_i think you’re funny_

**Toni:**

_hell yeah_

**Shelby:**

_funny looking_

**Toni:**

_fuck you_

**Shelby:**

_kidding!! ur a real comedian_

_if basketball doesn’t work out you could pursue that_

**Toni:**

_why does that almost feel more insulting_

**Shelby:**

_hehe okay now you have to say something nice about me_

**Toni:**

_that is not what i promised to do_

**Shelby:**

🥺

**Toni:**

_fine_

_you have cute handwriting_

**Shelby:**

_see was that so hard_

**Toni:**

_yes_

**Shelby:**

_to think I could’ve listed at least 5 other nice things about you_

**Toni:**

_i already know this is a trick to get me to list 5 nice things about you_

_okay one other nice thing about you is you could definitely pull off the bald look if it looks anything like my really good edit_

**Shelby:**

_hahaha well thanks not sure if I’d win many pageants like that_

**Toni:**

_nah it would be like if u were missing a tongue it would be what sets u apart from everyone else_

**Shelby:**

_all your ideas just involve sabotaging my pageant career_

_are u only talking to me because some pageant mom is paying you to spy on me_

**Toni:**

_LOL fuck i wish that were the case i could use some extra cash_

_you doing anything fun over break?_

**Shelby:**

_gonna take a family ski trip_

_you?_

**Toni:**

_eh the only real plan i have going on rn is basketball practice with rachel which is more grueling than fun_

**Shelby:**

_all that practice is paying off though you were real good at your last game_

**Toni:**

_wait wtf u were there???_

**Shelby:**

_yeah I had to see for myself if you really were any good_

_but I’ve also been to a basketball game before that too I do have some school spirit you know_

**Toni:**

_why didn’t you say hi? or tell me u went_

**Shelby:**

_didn’t wanna distract you_

_I was also with Andrew and I know y’all don’t get along very well_

**Toni:**

_understatement of the fucking year right there_

_why are u even dating that asshole_

_sry it’s none of my business i shouldn’t have said that_

_even if he is a total dick_

Shelby doesn’t reply for awhile and Toni figures she’s gonna get left on read for that one. There’s always been unresolved tension between the two of them once they started talking more because in the back of Toni’s mind she keeps wondering what Shelby really thinks of her. Shelby’s been pretty cool so far even when Toni would talk about thinking a girl is hot or when she called Shelby a Jesus freak, so she had pushed that thought to the back of her mind. She finally gets a response hours later.

**Shelby:**

_it’s okay_

_he was a jerk towards you i’m sorry about what happened_

_I always wanted to apologize for that but I didn’t know how and honestly you intimidate the heck out of me_

_I still should’ve said something tho_

Toni immediately knows which specific incident Shelby’s referring to. She honestly didn’t expect Shelby to ever bring it up.

**Toni:**

_it wasn’t your fault_

_it kind of sucked super hard to see u just stand there and watch though_

_one of the shittier nights of my life_

Toni closes her eyes and tries not to replay that night in her head. She had been holding hands with Regan walking to their car in the mall parking lot when Andrew and his friends saw them and started yelling stupid shit. Toni lost it and let her anger just take over like a wildfire. This is the conversation Toni’s been avoiding with Shelby because she hated talking about her feelings and would much rather just crush that shit deep down instead of dealing with it. She’s glad they’re at least doing it over text so she doesn’t have to look at Shelby when admitting how badly she’d been hurt. That feels too vulnerable, too intimate. They’re both a little more honest over text. 

**Shelby:**

_I wish I was brave like you_

**Toni:**

_lmao idk if brave is the right word_

_batshit angry is maybe more accurate_

_i guess we all could’ve done things differently that night_

**Shelby:**

_what Andrew was saying was wrong and stupid_

**Toni:**

_so you don’t agree with everything he says?_

**Shelby:**

_of course not_

_listen I know he’s far from perfect but so am I and maybe that’s why I’ve stuck with him for this long_

**Toni:**

_i guess i’ve been wondering this whole time like why ur even talking to me_

_i figured you thought the whole being gay thing was a sin and that i’m gonna burn in hell_

_and u promised u weren’t trying to convert me or else i’d think this was all some big save toni’s soul scheme_

**Shelby:**

_I don’t hate you Toni, you get that right?_

_I actually really like talking to you_

**Toni:**

_so ur not a homophobic asshole like ur boyfriend? bc seems like that should be a dealbreaker if u aren’t but what do i know_

_i always thought u were kind of judging regan and i back when we were dating_

**Shelby:**

_I’ll admit growing up I was always taught that that way of life is a sin but lately I’ve been reconsidering a lot of things_

_it’s hard when you grow up surrounded by people with certain beliefs and then you start to realize you don’t agree with everything they say_

**Toni:**

_yeah well it’s even harder when people treat you like shit for who u are_

**Shelby:**

_at least you know who you are_

Toni’s not entirely sure what Shelby means by that last text and is feeling overwhelmed and frustrated from their conversation so she doesn’t reply. They don’t text much for the rest of break except for a brief Merry Christmas text Shelby sends. This is why Toni had been avoiding talking about anything serious with Shelby because she knew it would make things weird. She was fine with the light small talk they had been having, but now it felt like this was getting more complicated. She thinks about how Shelby said she likes talking to her. Toni then remembers that she was supposed to invite Shelby to Fatin’s party, and figures she should extend an olive branch since they haven’t been texting.

**Toni:**

_Hey you probably already have plans but fatin’s having a new years party at her place if u wanna come_

**Shelby:**

_are you going?_

**Toni:**

_yes nerd i wouldn’t be asking u if i wasn’t_

**Shelby:**

_oh right_

**Toni:**

_just messing with u_

_should be fun tho her house is sick_

**Shelby:**

_okay I’ll try to swing by_

Toni throws on her usual tan Carhartt jacket before getting in the car with Martha to drive over to Fatin’s.

“Is Shelby coming tonight?” Martha asks. 

“No clue. I think one of Andrew’s friends is also having a thing tonight so she might just go to that.”

They get to Fatin’s around 9 PM and it feels like everyone from their school is there too. Toni finds Dot who makes her be her beer pong partner against Fatin, who then recruits Rachel to at least level the playing field. 

“Ugh it’s not fair Martha’s always getting you to play that cup game at the fair to win the goldfish so you have an unfair advantage,” Fatin complains as she takes a drink. 

“Don’t be a sore loser,” Dot teases. 

“Yeah this is like one out of three things I’m good at so don’t take it away from me,” Toni says.

Later in the night, Toni finds Shelby taking shots with Leah in the kitchen. 

“Hey Toni,” Shelby’s looking at her shyly and her face is pink from the shot she just took.

“Well look who showed up,” Toni glances around to see if Andrew is anywhere to be found.

“Yeah I was with Andrew but he wanted to do stuff that I didn’t wanna do so I ditched him.”

“Oh,” Toni’s heart beats a little faster at the thought of Shelby ditching her boyfriend to go to the party Toni invited her to. “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah? Thought ya might be mad at me…,” Shelby asks shyly.

“We’re always a little mad at each other right? Wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t wanna see you.” 

“You weren’t just asking to be nice?”

“When the fuck would I ever do that Shelby?” 

“Okay true,” Shelby laughs. 

“We’re gonna go sing karaoke!” Leah drunkenly announces and drags Shelby away. Shelby looks back and gives Toni a small wave as she stumbles away. Toni’s never seen Shelby drunk before and debates whether or not to follow them. Before she can, Dot comes running up to her.

“Dude we’re gonna go light fireworks in the back, wanna come?” Dot asks excitedly. 

“Fuck yeah.”

Much to Toni’s disappointment, there’s only one small pack of fireworks to set off. Toni is also adamant about sparklers not counting as fireworks, but it’s for the best considering fireworks and drinking don’t typically end well. Martha makes her go back inside to dance with her. It’s nearing midnight when Toni spots Regan across the room. Regan has been as friendly as possible since their breakup, but Toni isn’t nearly drunk enough to want to talk to her so she goes down a hallway and ducks into the first unlocked room. She locks the door behind her and lets out a deep breath.

“Toni?”

Toni quickly spins around and is surprised to see Shelby sprawled out on the bed in the room.

“Oh shit sorry, I didn’t realize anyone else was in here. Is it just you here?”

“Yeah, I’m trying to get the room to stop spinning,” Shelby frowns.

Toni laughs and goes into the bathroom connected to the room and fills a cup with water. “Here drink this.” She takes a seat next to Shelby on the bed. 

“Are you hiding from someone?” Shelby sits back up to take a sip of the water.

“Is it that obvious? I um- I saw Regan,” Toni doesn’t want to tell Shelby the truth because it feels like a lead in to another bigger conversation they need to have, but she does anyway. “How was karaoke?” Toni adds trying to change topics. 

“Would’ve been more fun with you there, I bet you hate singing in front of people,” Shelby looks at her and nervously bites her bottom lip, “Do you wish you were still with her?”

“With Regan?” 

Shelby gives a small nod.

“I used to, but not anymore. She deserves someone better, someone less…me,” Toni wonders if it’s the alcohol that’s making her be so honest right now. “Besides we broke up so long ago it’s whatever now. Just didn’t wanna talk to her tonight. She’s too nice whenever we talk and it just makes me feel kind of pathetic for messing everything up because she was always so, so patient with me.”

“Sometimes I think about breaking up with Andrew,” Shelby whispers. She’s sobering up but this isn’t something she’d normally admit.

“Why don’t you?”

“Because…” Shelby turns away from Toni and nervously plays with the blanket on the bed. “My parents want me to be this…they just have certain expectations for my life…and having a boyfriend is a part of that.” 

Toni reaches out to rub Shelby’s shoulder. “But if he’s not making you happy then fuck your parents and their bullshit expectations. I’m sure they just want you to be happy too.”

Shelby turns back to look Toni in the eyes, cheeks flushed, blinking back tears. “I wish it were that simple.”

“Why not though I don’t get it,” Toni knits her eyebrows together in confusion and realizes their faces are now very close together.

Shelby moves away from Toni slightly and gives out a frustrated sigh. She swallows thickly and looks down at Toni’s hand still on her shoulder before speaking, “Remember when I said at least you know who you are? I just feel like all the time I’m pretending to be whatever version of myself other people want me to be, and I—I have spent so long doing that, I don’t even know who I am anymore, but when I talk to you…I kinda feel like I can just be me.” 

Toni’s heart feels like it just got punched. There’s definitely something Shelby’s trying to tell her but she’s dancing around it, and Toni can’t think clearly enough to figure out what it all means. She remembers their conversation during detention and wonders what Shelby is trying to say. They sit there for a few seconds just looking at each other in a thick silence. They can hear people starting to countdown to the New Year outside. Shelby’s eyes flicker down to Toni’s lips. Toni feels her throat go dry.

Shelby closes the small gap between them and it all happens so fast Toni’s brain feels like it’s sprinting to keep up with everything that’s happening. She kisses Shelby back and one hand slides to Shelby’s knee and the other goes to cup the side of her fae. Shelby’s got both of her hands on Toni’s cheeks and eventually one of them moves to hold the back of Toni’s neck. Toni feels like she might burst into flames. Their bodies press closer together. They eventually pull apart and the room fills with the sound of their heavy breathing. Shelby suddenly looks panicked and bolts up.

“Sorry—I’m sorry about that,” Shelby rushes out as she runs out the room. Toni is left dumbfounded still sitting on the bed. Once she gets over the initial shock of what just happened, she gets up to chase after Shelby. She weaves through the crowd of people until she’s out in Fatin’s front lawn. Toni spots Shelby pacing back and forth near the street. 

“Shelby! Wait!” Toni calls after her.

“Just go away Toni!”

Toni feels like she’s getting whiplash, but she finally realizes there is so much more to Shelby than she previously thought. Shelby’s sitting on the curb now facing away from Toni. She cautiously sits down next to her, not sure what to do. She notices Shelby’s only got on a thin sweater and is rubbing her arms to stay warm. Toni shrugs off her jacket and drapes it around Shelby.

“You know, you didn’t have anything to apologize for,” Toni finally says, breaking their silence. 

Shelby turns to face Toni and Toni can see the sadness in her eyes. Shelby shakes her head, “You’re sweet.” She moves to put her arms in the jacket.

“I’m, uh, well…I— you’re sweet too,” Toni offers awkwardly with a soft smile. She gets the feeling that Shelby isn’t ready to talk about what happened yet, and she’s not sure if she’s ready either. Toni looks at Shelby and thinks she looks cute in her jacket. 

“Becca’s coming to pick me up,” is all Shelby says.

“Okay.”

They sit together in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Becca pulls up.

“Happy New Year Shelby,” is all Toni says as she watches Shelby get in the car.

“Happy New Year Toni.”


	5. Chapter 5

Toni spends the next three days before she has to go back to school agonizing over whether or not she should text Shelby. She wants to talk it over with Marty but decides she needs to talk to Shelby before saying anything to anyone else. Toni figures if Shelby wanted to talk she would’ve texted her already and settles for seeing her in class. She’s been so distracted she forgot Shelby still has her jacket. 

**Fatin:**

_Lol check out this video Leah sent me_

She presses play and watches the blurry and chaotic video. It’s hard to see super clearly because it’s obviously a video taken at Fatin’s party so the lighting is dark aside from a few multicolored lights shining throughout the room. Toni can hear Leah laughing and singing in the background as she’s moving the camera around. The camera finally focuses on Shelby drunkenly belting out the chorus to Taylor Swift’s Love Story and Toni can’t help but grin. Shelby looks so free in this moment. Toni feels herself blush as she hears Shelby sing out _it’s a love story baby just say yes_ , and wonders what the fuck is happening to her that this of all things is making her feel soft.

**Toni:**

_hahaha she’s such a dork_

**Fatin:**

_it’s cute that ur friends now_

_this feels like character development for both of u_

**Toni:**

_umm i never said that_

**Fatin:**

_oh please, lie to urself all u want but i know u_

**Toni:**

_okay bye_

Toni has a hard time sleeping the night before break ends. She thinks about the kiss and wonders why Shelby kissed her. Should she brush it off as not a big deal? It was just one kiss and she barely even considers Shelby a friend. Yeah, they were just drunk and being dumb is what Toni tells herself, ignoring the fact that before the kiss they had a coherent conversation. There’s just no way anything romantic could happen between the two of them. This is probably just Shelby being wound so uptight by her conservative parents and needing some way to rebel against them. No way does Shelby actually like girls, besides she’s dating Andrew, Toni reminds herself.

In the back of her head, she thinks about what a huge fucking deal this all is because Shelby Goodkind of all people kissed her and now she can’t stop thinking about kissing her again.

There’s a ball of nerves in the pit of Toni’s stomach when she walks into history class and doesn’t see Shelby. The other girl is almost always there before her. Toni’s not sure what to think when she doesn’t show up to chemistry either. She had been nervous to face her after what happened, but now the anxiety of not seeing her at all is worse. _Maybe she’s home sick, she just really overslept, you should text her and ask where the fuck she is, you disgust her and she probably doesn’t ever want to see you again, you definitely should not have kissed her back_ are all thoughts that race through Toni’s mind. She tries to go through the rest of the school day not thinking about it.

Shelby finds Martha in the parking lot after school lets out. 

“Hey can you give this to Toni? I missed my morning classes and I guess she’s in basketball practice now,” Shelby hands over Toni’s tan jacket that’s been neatly folded.

“She let you borrow that jacket?” Martha sounds shocked.

“Uh yeah? We ran into each other at Fatin’s the other night and it was cold out.”

“Oh, okay.”

“What’s wrong?” Shelby senses something’s up.

“Um it’s nothing. It’s just, Toni doesn’t even let me wear that jacket. It was her mom’s,” Martha admits. “But don’t tell her I said that.”

“Oh. I was real cold so she must’ve just felt bad,” Shelby thinks for a minute and then adds, “You know what I just remembered I have to stay late anyway for student council, so I can just find Toni after she’s done with practice.”

Toni’s walking out of the locker room with Rachel after practice when she checks her phone and sees an unread message from Shelby. She quickly opens it.

**Shelby:**

_hey are you still at school?_

“Uh I think I left something in the locker room I’ll catch up with you later?” Toni lies to Rachel, who just shrugs and keeps walking. Toni ducks back into the locker room and quickly replies back.

**Toni:**

_yeah I’m in the gym locker room_

**Shelby:**

_is anyone else there?_

**Toni:**

_just me_

Toni sits there for what feels like eternity waiting for a reply before she hears the locker room door open and close. Shelby turns the corner and leans against the lockers across from the bench Toni is sitting on. Toni looks at her in surprise and waits for her to talk first.

“I, uh, I have your jacket,” Shelby holds out the jacket to Toni. “Thanks for letting me borrow it.”

“Oh. No problem,” Toni had been waiting all day to see Shelby and now she’s suddenly not sure what to even say. “You weren’t in class today?”

“I had a dentist appointment so I came in late,” Shelby explained.

Toni clears her throat, “Oh, I thought that maybe you were like, avoiding me or something.” Toni’s looking down at her feet now and is also screaming at herself for playing this so not cool. 

“Why would I do that?” Shelby asks leadingly.

“Because of… you know, the other night? We didn’t really talk about it or whatever,” Toni can’t tell if Shelby is just playing dumb or if she wants to pretend the kiss didn’t happen.

“Honestly, I…thought about avoiding you, but something changed my mind.” Shelby glances around the room avoiding eye contact with Toni before she murmurs, “Have you told anyone about it?”

“No, of course not.”

“Right, because you’re ashamed it was me,” Shelby says bitterly.

“Fuck, no Shelby, you’re obviously the one with the shame,” Toni’s starting to get mad now and raises her voice. “If you’re not ready to talk about it then that’s fine, just tell me, but I’m here if you are. I’m sure you want me to just fucking pretend nothing even happened and believe me I can do that too.” They just look at each other for a few heated seconds.

“I don’t know what I want,” Shelby quietly admits. She’s anxiously wringing her hands now, “I just…can’t stop thinking about you.”

Toni walks over to Shelby and leans one arm above Shelby’s shoulder, against the lockers. “Just tell me what you want me to do,” Toni whispers lowly. 

Shelby’s thrown off by how close Toni is to her right now. She takes in Toni’s honey brown eyes looking at her so intensely. “I-,” Shelby pauses and bites her lip, “I want you to kiss me.”

Toni doesn’t need to be told twice and she quickly crushes their lips together. Her hands slide down Shelby’s sides to grasp at her waist. Toni feels Shelby’s hand tentatively slip under her basketball jersey to touch at her soft skin and she practically moans into Shelby’s mouth. Toni eventually breaks away to kiss hotly down Shelby’s jaw and neck. Shelby is breathing hard and shuts her eyes as she tilts her head back. She reaches out to guide Toni back to her lips and this time they kiss slower and deeper.

“We should— slow down,” Toni finally manages to get out between kisses. She rests her forehead against Shelby’s, who just gently nods in agreement. They stay like that for a minute just catching their breath. Shelby kisses Toni again but it’s quick and sweet. 

“So, it’s gonna be hard to pretend _this_ didn’t happen,” Toni gestures between the two of them. 

“Yeah,” Shelby sounds breathless and her cheeks are tinged pink. They both jump when they hear the locker room door open and hear the sound of a mop bucket being rolled in. The janitor doesn’t see them since they’re blocked from view by rows of lockers, and he just starts whistling and mopping the floors.

Shelby lets out a giggle and asks, “Do you need a ride home?”

They sit in the car listening to the radio as Shelby drives. Toni can’t help but stare at Shelby. When they get to a stop light Shelby finally looks over and says, “Stop looking at me like that, you’re making me nervous.”

Toni laughs and dramatically turns away to look out the window, “Is this better?” 

“Yes.”

Toni musters the strength to broach the subject again, “So…are we still not talking about it or…” She tries to keep her eyes on the passing scenery outside the car window.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Okay why don’t I start then?” Toni takes a deep breath before continuing, “It turns out I don’t hate kissing you, which is beyond fucked up, and I actually want to kiss you again sometime.” Toni turns to see Shelby’s reaction. The corners of Shelby mouth pull into a small smile. “But I’m guessing you don’t want anyone to know about us kissing so we probably shouldn’t do it again. Is any of that how you feel?” 

Shelby frowns and doesn’t say anything for a bit. “If my parents ever found out that I’m—that I…like kissing you…I’m scared to think about what they’d do.”

“I’m sorry Shelby. If uh, you ever need anyone to talk to about that stuff, you’ve got my number,” Toni wishes there was something she could do for the other girl. They’re parked outside of Toni’s home now. 

“Thanks Toni.”

“So I won’t tell anyone about what happened and we’ll go back to just being lab partners?” Toni asks, still trying to figure out what exactly is going on between them. 

“Do you think we could be friends at least?”

“I don’t usually make out with my friends, but since that’s off the table now, sure Shelby. Friends.”

“So you do like me? As a friend?”

“I said I like kissing you. Big difference.”

Shelby blushes at that. “See you tomorrow Toni.”

Toni’s not sure if she’ll be able to be just friends with Shelby, but she knows that’s all Shelby can do right now. For God’s sake, up until a few months ago she couldn’t even stand to be in the same room as her, so it’s not like Toni even wants to be able to date her or anything. Shelby’s simply a good kisser and Toni convinces herself it’s purely physical attraction and nothing more. It is blowing her mind that Shelby is into girls, and a lot of other things are starting to make sense to Toni now. This will be fine, Toni only has a few more months left of school and then she can go off to college and never think about Shelby again.

**Toni:**

_thx for the ride, let me know when u get home_

**Shelby:**

_just got home!_

_watch out it almost sounds like you care about me or something_

**Toni:**

_don’t get the wrong idea_

_if something happens to you i’d have no one to give me hw answers and i’d have to get a new lab partner which would be a whole thing because they’d make me join an existing group so i’d be the third wheel_

**Shelby:**

_right of course, you’ve really thought this through_

It’s not as weird with Shelby as Toni had anticipated. Toni has the occasional daydream where she’s pulling Shelby into a supply closet to make out, but other than that, things are relatively the same as before. The first few days they ignore each other, but eventually they go back to small talk in class and the occasional text message asking about homework. They manage to stay friendly with each other without crossing any lines, which is easy to do since they only see each other in class. Things change when Toni catches Shelby staring at her awhile later in chemistry. Toni reaches over to Shelby’s notebook and writes out a note to her.

_Take a pic it will last longer_

_it’s your fault for looking like that_

_like what?_

_cute_

Toni blushes hard and curses her body for betraying her when Shelby notices and smirks. 

_im hot not cute! >:(_

_you’re cute when you’re mad_

_u can’t just tell me this stuff_

_why not?_

_u know why_

_idk I’m a dumb blonde you might need to spell it out for me_

_no you’ll be scandalized_

_fine don’t tell me then_

_it makes me wanna kiss u_

It’s Shelby’s turn to blush even if that’s the answer she was fishing for. Toni had been so good about not bringing up the kiss since the last time they talked. Shelby looks back down to her notes and doesn’t write anything back. Toni figures that’s the end of that conversation when she suddenly feels Shelby foot grazing over her’s and then slowly rubbing further up her ankle. Her eyes widen in surprise, and she looks over to Shelby, who is calmly taking notes and not even looking at Toni. Toni curses under her breath and moves her foot so that it’s wrapped around Shelby’s. She’s suddenly very thankful that they’re seated in the far back of the room. Toni can feel her heart racing just from the friction between their feet, and she wonders when the hell Shelby got so hot. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for the comments and kudos! I really appreciate it. I've got a rough idea for the rest of the story so I'll keep updating as fast as I can.

Shelby has apparently decided to simultaneously torture Toni and ensure she fails chemistry. Despite agreeing to be just friends, Shelby has not been shy about not so innocent touches. They’re working on an in class lab assignment, and each time Toni passes a test tube to Shelby, her fingers stay on Toni’s for just a few seconds too long. Toni gets flustered from Shelby’s bare arm pressing into hers, and she has to avert her eyes away from Shelby’s neck when she leans over her to grab something. She can’t tell if Shelby’s doing it on purpose or if it’s all in her head. 

“Are you even listening to me?” Shelby raises her eyebrows in question.

“Huh? Sorry, I’m just, uh, kind of distracted,” Toni sheepishly rubs at the back of her neck. 

“Can you pass me that worksheet? Oh and the other pipette?”

Toni nods weakly and does what Shelby asks. Shelby has been doing most of the work for this lab so maybe it is all in her head, and Shelby really has been able to forget anything happened between them.

“Is everything okay?” Shelby bats her eyelashes innocently like she has no idea the effect she’s having on Toni. 

“Yeah, totally. Just not really feeling very science-y today,” Toni lies and tries her best to get through the rest of class without thinking about Shelby’s lips pressed against hers. 

On the way to her next class, Toni sees Andrew waiting for Shelby at her locker, and she feels jealousy rip through her when he leans in to kiss her. It really shouldn’t bother Toni at all, which is a thought she seems to have on repeat lately. 

Toni can’t remember how she got here, but she’s lying down in a field under the stars. Suddenly, Shelby is on top of her and she’s wearing Toni’s tan jacket again. Toni stares into her golden-green eyes and Shelby leans down making their lips meet. They make out slowly, as their wandering hands explore each other. Toni lets her tongue slip into Shelby’s mouth. Toni starts to sit up so she can push the jacket off of Shelby. “You’re so fucking hot,” Toni whispers into Shelby’s ear as she feels her up over her shirt. She can feel Shelby’s heart beating fast under the thin material of her shirt. 

Somewhere in the distance, a phone starts ringing, and Shelby disappears. Toni wakes up in her own bed and groans, reaching over to shut off her alarm. She rubs her eyes hard, trying to get rid of the thoughts that had just filled her subconscious. _Great, now Shelby won’t even let me dream in peace_ she thinks to herself. Toni feels like she can still feel Shelby pressed into her, it had seemed so real. She decides she really needs to get laid or Shelby’s going to keep haunting her. It has been awhile since she’d been with anyone, she definitely wasn’t looking to seriously date right now, but maybe it was high time for a meaningless hook up.

Toni feels so embarrassed for dreaming about Shelby in that way when she has clearly been able to just move on with her life. Everyday, she watches Shelby hold hands with Andrew in the halls. Part of her knows it’s just an act, but it still hurts. Toni can’t believe she’s this hung up on a girl she’s only kissed twice. They haven’t even been on a date and it’s not like they ever would. So she decides she needs to put some serious space between them. Her text replies to the other girl get shorter and shorter. Toni stops trying to annoy Shelby in class and actually takes her own notes, instead of asking to copy Shelby’s later. Toni has even started sitting a little further apart from Shelby in their chemistry class. She used to sit with her stool right next to Shelby’s so that their arms could accidentally brush up against each other throughout class. 

“Hey, are we good?” Shelby whispers to Toni before chemistry lab one day.

“Yup. Why wouldn’t we be?”

“Are you sure? I—”

“Everything’s fine Shelby,” Toni cuts her off. Shelby looks hurt but doesn’t push it anymore. 

**Martha:**

_Hey I’m going with Shelby to your game!_

**Toni:**

_what why is she coming?_

**Martha:**

_I thought you guys were friends now??_

**Toni:**

_lol its complicated_

**Martha:**

_What did you do this time?_

**Toni:**

_y do u always think its my fault_

**Martha:**

_Past experience?_

**Toni:**

_im the innocent party this time_

**Martha:**

_Sure you are_

**Toni:**

_im surprised shelby even wants to go_

**Martha:**

_Well I invited her and don’t kill me but I also invited her to grab food with all of us later_

**Toni:**

_ughhhh martyyyy_

_whatever im not talking to her_

**Martha:**

_Okay please just be civil_

**Toni:**

_fine but only for u_

**Martha:**

_See you later and good luck!_ ❤️

Toni steps out onto the court and tries not to search the crowd in the bleachers to find where a certain blonde haired girl was sitting, but as always she can’t help herself. After a few minutes, she spots Marty and Shelby sitting near Dot and Fatin. Marty waves enthusiastically while Dot and Fatin holler out Toni’s name with much fanfare. Toni waves back at Marty and tries not to notice Shelby smiling at her. 

Rachel yells at Toni to get her head in the game like they’re in fucking High School Musical or something. To be fair, she has been missing her shots and it’s definitely Shelby’s fucking fault for showing up here and once again infecting her mind like some kind of sick brain worm. Toni feels the anger rising in her and tries to channel that into the game. This earns Toni some technical fouls which aren’t anything new to her, but now she’s also leading her team to a win. 

Both basketball teams meet up at a burger joint after the game to hang out like they usually do. Toni’s riding high on the victory so she doesn’t even mind that Shelby’s tagged along too. In fact, she’s being showered with so much attention from her teammates that Shelby isn’t even on her mind for once. She only had the chance to exchange a quick greeting with Shelby. 

They’re all eating outside, some people sitting at picnic tables, some opting to sit on top of their cars. They always end up getting kicked out for being too rowdy when they sit inside. Jamie, a girl from the other team, comes over to where Toni’s sitting with some of her other teammates. She and Toni had met last summer at a basketball camp. 

“Hey, good game hot shot,” Jamie says. “I was wondering when I’d run into you again.”

Toni smirks, thinking about how they had made out on the last day of camp. She also thinks maybe there is a God, who is now placing the perfect meaningless hook up candidate right in her lap. 

“What’s up? Other than getting your ass kicked by me?” 

“You haven’t changed at all, still so full of yourself.”

“I’m hot so I’m allowed to be,” Toni grins and wiggles her eyebrows. 

“Sure Shalifoe. I mean why else would I be talking to you right now? It’s certainly not for your glowing personality.”

“Excuse me, I can be very charming when I want to be,” Toni defends.

“Um, I’m pretty sure half my team is too scared to even make eye contact with you considering how you act on the court,” Jamie says.

“Well thank god you’re such a brave soldier who dares speak to me.”

“Yeah I had to come congratulate you on your win for most fouls in a game,” Jamie says with a chuckle.

Out of the corner of her eye, Toni sees Shelby stealing glances over to her. Shelby’s sitting with Martha, Rachel, and Fatin a table away from where Toni is. “You want some of my fries?” she holds one up to Jamie’s mouth, who eats it out of her hand. She’s only half paying attention to whatever Jamie is talking about right now, mostly aware that she can almost feel Shelby’s eyes on her.

Toni decides to be more aggressive. “Wanna get outta here?” Jamie quickly nods and goes to say bye to her teammates. 

Toni goes over to Martha and smugly says, “Hey I’m gonna get a ride from Jamie so I’ll see you later.” Martha just nods and Shelby has taken a sudden interest in cleaning up her trash. “Bye Shelby,” Toni adds, forcing the other girl to look at her. 

“Bye Toni,” Shelby says quickly. Toni can see a hint of anger or maybe frustration in Shelby’s eyes, but it’s gone in a flash. 

Fatin gives Toni a high five and yells at her to “use protection” as she’s walking away. Toni turns around and quickly flips her off for that one. 

It’s the first weekend since Thanksgiving break where Shelby doesn’t text Toni at all. The game was on Friday so Toni doesn’t see Shelby until they’re back at school on Monday. Toni feels a little lighter after getting a much needed distraction from Shelby. Toni’s in a good mood for once so she doesn’t ignore Shelby when they run into each other in the bathroom before first period. She finally feels like she has the upper hand after managing to fall asleep without thinking of Shelby all night. Toni’s washing her hands when she sees Shelby in the mirror reflection, walking out of a stall. 

“Hey Shelby.”

“Hi,” Shelby says politely.

“You have a good weekend?” Toni’s turned to lean against the sink as she watches Shelby scrub her hands.

“So we’re talkin’ now?” Shelby sounds annoyed.

“Geez okay, so much for small talk.”

“Who—” Shelby stops herself and looks embarrassed, she looks around the bathroom to check that they’re alone, she turns to Toni with crossed arms, “My weekend was fine, thanks for asking.”

“You’re not gonna ask about mine?” Toni teases.

“I’m sure your’s was great,” Shelby says and rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, you know what it really was.”

“Okay great, I’m _so_ glad we caught up,” Shelby bites back, both of their voices have been slowly rising. “Now I need to get to class.”

“Seriously? That’s all you’re gonna say?” 

“What do you want from me Toni? You’ve made it very clear that you don’t want to be friends.” 

“I can’t be friends with you because you drive me fucking crazy,” Toni’s breathing hard and fast now. “I can’t stop fucking thinking about you and I hate it.” Shelby just stares at her intensely. 

Shelby rushes forward and grabs at the front of Toni’s shirt to pull her closer. She kisses Toni hard and fast. It’s over before Toni can even fully register what’s happening.

They hear the bell ring and Shelby dashes out the door, she hates being late to class. Toni tries to slow down her breathing before heading to first period. She’s never been so thankful that Shelby isn’t in this class with her. Toni’s sitting at her desk when she feels her phone vibrate.

**Shelby:**

_Hi_

**Toni:**

_texting in class? v rebellious of u_

**Shelby:**

_Who was that girl? From friday night?_

Toni feels a self satisfied grin take over her face. This was secretly the reaction she had been hoping for when she left with Jamie the other night. 

**Toni:**

_that’s y u texted me?_

**Shelby:**

_Answer the question_

**Toni:**

_so demanding_

_and its none of ur business_

**Shelby:**

_Martha said you know her from camp_

**Toni:**

_why do u need to know_

_u jealous or something?_

**Shelby:**

_Yes_

Toni feels her heart stop. She did not expect Shelby to actually be honest about this. She also hates the satisfaction she gets from knowing that she can make Shelby jealous, it makes her feel childish. Toni is used to lashing out in desperate attempts to get attention, but it so rarely works in her favor. 

**Toni:**

_ya we went to basketball camp together_

**Shelby:**

_Do you like her?_

**Toni:**

_what’s w/ the interrogation_

**Shelby:**

_Sorry_

**Toni:**

_do u like andrew?_

**Shelby:**

_You know the answer to that_

**Toni:**

_just wanna hear u say it_

**Shelby:**

_fine_

_I don’t like him the way I’m supposed to_

**Toni:**

_i hooked up with jamie_

_is that what u wanted to know?_

**Shelby:**

_Yes_

**Toni:**

_so why the sudden interest in my romantic life_

**Shelby:**

_Do you have practice today?_

**Toni:**

_ya_

**Shelby:**

_Can I see you after?_

**Toni:**

_sure_

Toni and Shelby sit through chemistry class in mutual silence. She keeps thinking about why Shelby wants to see her after school. She can’t help but anxiously tap her foot throughout class. Eventually, Shelby reaches over and gently puts her hand on Toni’s knee to stop the tapping. Toni jerks back from the touch as if it burned her. They exchange embarrassed looks but neither one of them says anything. 

Toni climbs into Shelby’s car after practice. She may have felt cocky Friday night, but now she’s all nerves. Shelby’s car smells like her, fresh laundry and vanilla, which makes Toni very aware how her back is still damp with sweat from running laps.

“Sorry I’m kinda sweaty,” Toni blurts out.

Shelby lets out a small laugh. “That’s alright,” Shelby says while nervously tapping on the steering wheel. “You hungry?”

Toni nods enthusiastically. Shelby drives them to the nearest Whataburger. Toni orders a jalapeño cheeseburger and Shelby gets a grilled chicken sandwich. They eat in the car near the back of the parking lot. They leave the radio on to diffuse the silence as they eat.

“Did you sleep with her?” Shelby asks suddenly, almost as if she didn’t mean to but it just slipped out. 

Toni almost chokes on a bite of her burger. “Do you want a play by play of what we did?” Toni looks at Shelby with one eyebrow raised.

“Sorry. I—it really is none of my business. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Have you slept with Andrew?” This is something Toni has been wondering about lately.

“No,” Shelby says, shaking her head.

Toni takes a minute to process this. “I fooled around with Jamie, but it didn’t really mean anything. Or like, it was fun and she’s cool, but we aren’t dating or something. And I didn't fuck her either,” Toni admits. She leaves out the part where she couldn’t stop picturing blonde hair and those gold-green eyes when she was with someone else. Shelby can’t help but look relieved. 

“I miss talking to you,” Shelby eventually says between bites of her sandwich, she sounds shy. 

Toni looks out the front car window, not wanting to make eye contact with Shelby as she says, “I can’t do this Shelby.”

“Do what?” Shelby asks hesitantly. 

Toni sighs dramatically. “Sit here and talk to you like this.” 

“If you didn’t wanna talk to me then why’d you agree to hang out?” Shelby sounds genuinely confused and a little hurt. 

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just—” Toni pauses, she’s always been bad at verbalizing her feelings. She really, really does not want to admit how into Shelby she is. She hasn’t even fully accepted that fact herself. That simply being in Shelby’s presence is painful because Toni knows nothing can happen. So instead she just says, “I don’t think I know how to be your friend.”

“You could start with not ignoring me,” Shelby suggests.

“It just hurts to see you with him,” Toni says quietly. 

“It hurt to see you with someone else too, more than I thought it would.” Shelby takes a sip of her drink before continuing, “I know it’s not fair though. If I can’t…of course there’s so many girls who want you.”

“I think you’re giving me too much credit,” Toni says with a laugh. “You barely even like me.”

“I do like you though.”

“Aha! I knew it,” Toni says pointing her finger at Shelby.

“Toni, _I_ kissed _you_. Of course I like you,” Shelby says fighting back a smile.

Toni blushes and can’t stop the smile forming on her face. “I had a dream about you the other night.”

“Oh? What happened in it?” Shelby asks.

Toni blushes and mumbles, “It was, uh, kind of a dirty dream.”

“Oh.” Shelby looks down at her lap and fidgets with the small cross necklace she always has on. “I’ve had dreams about you too.”

Toni’s brain short circuits at this new information. She shoots Shelby a curious look. 

“Yeah, in one dream I was on the basketball team and I think I could fly so I was very good at basketball. You weren’t so happy about that. I was just doing slam dunks the whole game. Then things got weird and we were playing basketball on the moon, which was hard since there’s no gravity.”

Toni lets out a laugh. “You’re such a dork.”

“I looked real good in a basketball costume though,” Shelby wiggles her eyebrows at Toni. 

“Did you just say costume?” Toni asks in disbelief, trying hard not to think about Shelby wearing her jersey. 

“Yeah isn’t that basically what it is? You wear a costume and make goals or touchdowns or something,” Shelby goes on clearly enjoying herself. 

“Okay now you’re just doing this on purpose to piss me off,” Toni says with a small eye roll. 

“Yeah, it’s cute when you act annoyed at me.”

“Hey who said it was an act?” Toni pretends to act offended.

“Oh please you’re secretly a big softie.” 

Toni scoffs at this. “Am not,” is all she manages to grumble out. 

Shelby leans over to steal a handful of Toni’s fries. “Okay, I told you to order your own fries for a reason,” Toni accuses as she playfully knocks Shelby’s hand away.

“They taste better when I take them from you though,” Shelby explains. “Thanks for hanging out with me today.”

“Yeah I turned down like at least ten girls for this so,” Toni jokes. 

“Are you gonna see Jamie again?” Shelby asks tentatively. 

“Uhh…I’m not sure. Do you think I should?” Toni asks, hoping Shelby will say no.

“Maybe it would make it easier for you, to be my friend, if you were like seeing someone,” Shelby sounds like she’s having a hard time getting her words out.

“Is that really what you want?” 

“It doesn’t matter what I want.”

Toni clenches her jaw. “I think it really fucking matters Shelby.”

“You don’t get it,” Shelby says with a sigh.

“No I do. Everyone always cuts and runs when things get hard with me so that’s not new at all.”

“Toni…” There’s so much Shelby wants to say that she doesn’t even know where to begin. “My dad—”

“At least you have a fucking dad,” Toni interrupts angrily. “Mine’s been a no show since day one which doesn’t feel great either.”

Shelby looks like she might start crying. “Toni stop. Don’t be like that. I’m serious, my parents can’t know about us. If you think I’m a Jesus freak…well my daddy is so much worse than that.”

“So what now? I’ll just go back to ignoring you?”

“You know I don’t want that.”

“Fuck! I feel like we just keep having the same fucking conversation. You like me, I can’t look at you without thinking about kissing you, but God is gonna fucking smite us if we touch so we can’t do that. We should just cut our losses now and go back to hating each other.” Toni can feel her blood pressure rising from this stupid fucking conversation. 

Shelby rests her head against the car seat and shuts her eyes. “You’re right. I’m only going to hurt you.” 

Toni sees Shelby blinking away tears and wants to wipe them away for her, but she doesn’t. 


	7. Chapter 7

The first day back at school after their talk had been torture. They ignored each other until chemistry class.

“Are you mad at me?” Shelby asks bitterly.

“Yeah,” Toni replies curtly.

They both roll their eyes at each other and don’t speak for the rest of class. 

“You okay?” Martha asks Toni gently. They’re in the living room, and Toni has spent the last three hours lying down on the couch in a catatonic state. She just groans and puts her hands over her face instead of replying to Martha. 

For the past few days, Toni’s been moping around feeling like absolute shit for how things played out with Shelby. If she told Martha about it, she would definitely say something about how Toni’s abandonment issues have led her to blindly lash out whenever she feels emotionally overwhelmed. That is certainly how Regan ended up with a smashed car window after they broke up. It's also how she was briefly kicked off the basketball team for what her coach called “extremely unsportsmanlike conduct.” Toni’s starting to wonder if she just ruins everything she touches. She knows Martha would give her a lecture about how it’s not her fault she has a habit of self-sabotaging, it’s just a defense mechanism leftover from how she’s grown up. 

“I know you hate talking about you feelings and everything, but it could help make you feel better,” Martha suggests. “You know instead of just silently moping on the couch for hours.”

“I hate when you’re right,” Toni says with a sigh. Instead of saying anything else to Marty, she pulls out her phone and swallows her pride as she types. 

**Toni:**

_hey sry i was a jerk about everything_

_im here if u like need someone to talk to. like as a friend or whatever_

_but i get it if ur still mad at me_

Toni doesn’t do apologies very often so it’s not the best, but it’s a big step for Toni to make the first move. She’s honestly not even expecting a reply from Shelby. However, her phone vibrates a few minutes later. 

**Shelby:**

_You’re not very good at apologies are you?_

**Toni:**

_um yeah not much experience in the apology area_

_making a special exception for u_

**Shelby:**

_Thanks Toni_

_also I’m not mad at you_

_anymore at least_

**Toni:**

_rly?_

**Shelby:**

_I mean aren’t we always a little mad at each other_

**Toni:**

_lol true_

_i cant stay mad at u for long tho_

**Shelby:**

_Oh yeah?_

**Toni:**

_yeah im scared god will mess me up for hating on his fav human_

_i already have a few strikes against me so i gotta try my best to still make it into heaven_

**Shelby:**

_Lol shut up_

_So you’re okay with talking to me now?_

**Toni:**

_as much as i love it when we’re both giving each other the silent treatment, i decided not talking to u kinda sucks_

_especially since we’re lab partners so rly im doing this for the sake of my chem grade_

**Shelby:**

_I missed talking to you too_

**Toni:**

_ugh it sounds gross when you say it like that_

**Shelby:**

_Can I ask you something?_

**Toni:**

_u just did_

**Shelby:**

_Ugh are you always like this?_

**Toni:**

_yes duh_

_was that ur question_

**Shelby:**

_God I forgot how annoying you are_

**Toni:**

_Shelby Goodkind! do not use the Lord’s name in vain!_

_but go on with your question_

Toni gets a little nervous when Shelby takes a few minutes longer to reply. She sees her start and stop typing a few times. 

**Shelby:**

_Do you really think we can be friends?_

**Toni:**

_ur not gonna acknowledge my hilarious joke?_

**Shelby:**

_You’re this close to getting the silent treatment again_

**Toni:**

_okay kidding! and i suppose i can try my very best to not be a bitch to u and it that makes us friends then so be it_

**Shelby:**

_You’re so bad at this how do you have any friends_

**Toni:**

_im hilarious and hot_

_plus most of my friends dont fuck with my head as much as u do_

**Shelby:**

_Okay that’s fair_

_I don’t want to mess with your head anymore_

**Toni:**

_dont worry bout it_

_im a big girl_

Toni had spent the last few days thinking it over, and realized how fucking lame it was that she was this cut up over Shelby Goodkind of all people. If Fatin knew about this, Toni would never hear the end of it. Toni can practically hear Fatin saying, “You’re really going to cry over a girl you haven’t even fucked or been on a single date with? This is like, seriously tragic, Toni.”

Toni goes back to bothering Shelby in class with notes and the occasional kick to the back of the chair. 

_You’re gonna give me back problems if you keep kicking my chair_

_sry ill stop, dont want u going around looking like the hunchback of notre dame or something_

_I like getting notes though_

_noted :P_

_I swear you’re a bigger dork than me_

_u take that back_

_Never. In fact I’m going to spread a rumor that you’re actually super nice_

_dont u fucking dare! i have a reputation to uphold_

_You do have quite the reputation_

_oh yeah? what have u heard?_

_I mean it was pretty big news when you got kicked off the basketball team like sophomore year for literally throwing pee at someone_

_damn u know about that?_

_Toni literally everyone knows about that_

_shit i was hoping the news never broke in the bible club. um does this mean you’ve heard some of the other stuff about me?_

_Like what?_

_um nothing_

_So what’s my reputation at school?_

_if barbie went to church_

_Is that still how you think of me?_

_nah, well more like now i think of u as church going barbie in a good way, hope u dont think im crazy temper tantrum toni_

_Of course not. I think you have your reasons whenever you get mad. I can’t believe you actually threw pee at someone. How do you even do that?_

_i plead the fifth_

Mr. Sherman assigns a group project, which the entire class groans at. Shelby turns around to whisper to Toni, “Do you wanna my partner, for the project?” Toni gives her a small nod. She isn’t sure if this is the best idea, but she can’t say no to Shelby. 

**Shelby:**

_Do you want to work on the project at my place this weekend?_

**Toni:**

_u sure?_

_i don’t want ur homophobic dad to shoot me on sight_

_sry probs shouldn’t joke about that_

**Shelby:**

_Lol it’s fine_

_My parents won’t be here so don’t worry_

**Toni:**

_sweet then ill see u saturday? i know sunday is the Lord’s day_

**Shelby:**

_Haha (this is a sarcastic laugh) yes saturday at 2?_

_Please be on time I know that’s hard for you_

**Toni:**

_excuse me im only late to class sometimes but dont make this one of my personality traits_

_not all of us have sticks up our butts about being on time_

**Shelby:**

_I do not have a stick up my butt!_

**Toni:**

_sure shelby_

_ill c u and the stick up ur butt on saturday_

_im gonna be aggressively on time_

**Shelby:**

_Okay I’m scared for whatever that means_

**Toni:**

_as u should be_

**Shelby:**

_Excited to finally give you the grand throw pillow tour_

Toni tries to ignore the fact that she’ll be hanging out with Shelby. Alone. Just the two of them. At her house. In her bedroom. She hasn’t been alone in a room with Shelby since their last fight. Toni has made sure to keep it that way to stave off any remaining tension between the two of them. 

Shelby opens her front door to see Toni, who is shockingly a few minutes early. Shelby has on a simple pastel pink sweater and light wash jeans. Toni awkwardly shoves her hands into her jacket pockets as Shelby leads her into the house. She immediately feels out of place in Shelby’s perfect suburban home. She looks around searching for a wooden sign that says _live, laugh, love_ written in perfect calligraphy. Toni laughs when she spots the throw pillow that Shelby had sent her a photo of so many months ago. 

“And thus begins the throw pillow grand tour,” Shelby jokes. 

“I mean I kind of love this one,” Toni says while holding up a pillow that says _faith can move mountains._ “I think this is the closest I’ve ever been to going to church.”

“You’ve really never been?” Shelby sounds genuinely curious.

“Nope. Didn’t exactly have parents who wanted to take me or anything. Had some foster parents that tried to get me to go but I’d always get out of it,” Toni says with a shrug. “For the best though, I would’ve hated that shit.”

Shelby’s eyes go soft. “I’m sorry about your parents Toni.”

“It’s fine. I mean I wish someone had been there for me to sign my field trip permission slips or whatever, not like I really give a fuck about going to the planetarium, but it would’ve been nice for someone to be there just to say that I could go.” Toni’s not sure why she’s telling Shelby this. She nervously rubs the back of her neck. “Anyway, not trying to throw a pity party for myself over here. Where’s your room at? If I see one more piece of religious decor I’m gonna throw up.”

Shelby doesn’t say anything but just grabs Toni’s wrist and leads the way. Toni is suddenly hyper aware of how sweaty her hands are. 

Shelby has her hand on the door knob but stops and turns back to look at Toni. “You’re only allowed to make two jokes max about my room. Got it?”

Toni laughs and nods her head. “Sir, yes sir.” She has been dying to see what interior design choices Shelby has made over the years to her room. 

Shelby nervously opens the door. “Well here it is.” She watches Toni take it all in.

Toni’s eyes immediately go to the yellow plush rabbit sitting on top of Shelby’s bed. She walks over to pick it up. “What’s their name?”

Shelby blushes a little. “That’s Bunny. I’ve had her forever.”

“Good name. Very to the point.” Toni’s eyes continue to wander around the room. Shelby just stands in the middle of the room with one hand crossed over herself so that it’s resting on her other elbow. Toni takes her time looking at all of Shelby’s pageant trophies. Shelby has a seemingly endless amount of pageant sashes on display. Toni picks up one of the many tiaras on the dresser. “You sure win a lot.”

“Some people are good at sports and some are good at pageants,” Shelby says with a shrug.

Toni playfully puts on one of the tiaras. “How do I look?”

“Like the next Miss Texas,” Shelby says while trying not to laugh.

“This is pretty much what I expected your room to look like. There’s somehow way more tiaras than I thought there would be though. Can’t believe you get your own tv in your room.”

“I can’t believe you haven’t made fun of anything in here yet.”

Toni shrugs. “I do that enough outside of your own room. I mean I do hate a lot of your decor decisions in here, but hey I don’t have to wake up looking at these walls.”

Shelby scoffs. “My taste isn’t that bad!”

“I honestly thought you’d have way more pink furniture or something. Like I can’t believe your walls are white.”

“I don’t live in Barbie’s dream house,” Shelby says with an eye roll. 

“Are your siblings here?” Toni wonders out loud. 

“No. My parents took them on a camping trip this weekend, but I said I was busy since we’ve got this project. They won’t be back until tomorrow.”

“Damn, I was getting hype about meeting your brother.” Toni takes a seat on the oversized pink bean bag and throws her backpack on the floor next to her.

“Seriously? I feel like you would hate kids,” Shelby says sounding surprised.

“Accurate assumption, but I feel like he would have some serious tea about you.”

“I’m never letting the two of you meet. I think he’d like you though.” Shelby goes to get her laptop and notebook. She takes a seat near Toni on the floor. “Good thing he isn’t here, I’m sure he’d want you to play video games with him, which would really get in the way of our homework.”

“Ugh don’t remind me,” Toni groans.

“Did you bring your history textbook?,” Shelby asks.

“Oh fuck, no. Do you have yours?” 

“What is even in your backpack then?” 

Toni unzips her bag and proudly pulls out a bag of chips, one sleeve of chocolate chip cookies, and two cans of soda. “Well I know you have zero junk food in your house and you can’t do homework without snacks, so I came prepared.”

“So you thought ahead enough to bring all that, but not your textbook? Do you have any school stuff in there?” Shelby isn’t sure if she’s impressed or disappointed. 

“I did not come here to be judged,” Toni says, pouting her lips. 

Shelby leans over to open the bag of chips. “I’m not judging just asking. Lucky for you, I have a stick up my butt so I’m very prepared.” 

“Hey, I was prepared too. Just in a more fun and cool way.”

“Thanks for the snacks Toni,” Shelby says with a small smile. “Okay so we should figure out what our topic is going to be.” 

“Can’t you just pick it and tell me what you need me to do?” Toni huffs and sinks deeper into the beanbag chair.

Shelby raises an eyebrow and looks at Toni. “I never would’ve thought that Toni Shalifoe of all people would wanna be bossed around by me.” 

Toni waves her hand dismissively. “I don’t have the energy to think on the weekends.” 

Shelby gets to work poring over her history notes to find a suitable topic. Toni spends at least thirty minutes trying on Shelby’s pageant sashes and tiaras while taking photos of herself in them. Shelby can’t even be that annoyed at Toni for not doing any work because it is hilarious seeing her role-play like she’s at a pageant. 

Toni then tries to figure out what her special pageant talent would be. “Maybe I could be one of those people who like juggle those flaming sticks or whatever. I think that would be dope.”

“Can you juggle?” Shelby asks.

“Nah but I could totally learn it. What’s your special talent for those anyway?” Toni starts crumpling up some paper to practice juggling.

“Singing, but now you’ve got me reconsidering.” Shelby laughs as Toni fails miserably at juggling. 

Thanks to Shelby, they actually do get some work done between all the goofing off. Toni see’s she has some new texts in her group chat with Dot and Fatin. 

**Dot:**

_hey Toni r u busy rn?_

**Fatin:**

_we’re gonna hang at my place if u wanna join_

**Toni:**

_nah cant tonight im still working on that history project w/ shelby_

**Fatin:**

_still?? is she holding u hostage? blink twice if she’s hold u against ur will_

**Toni:**

_*blink*_

**Dot:**

_okay we’re good that was only one blink_

**Fatin:**

_idk maybe Shelby is actually the one texting us_

_actually tho how long have u been at her house_

**Toni:**

_idk a few hours_

_its mostly my fault its taking so long im kinda just sitting here offering shelby moral support as she puts together our thesis_

**Dot:**

_wow picturing u at her house is hilarious_

_did u meet her parents?_

**Toni:**

_no thank god they’re not here_

**Fatin:**

_please steal a wooden cross for me as a souvenir_

**Toni:**

_okay i have to go Shelby is telling me to get off my phone_

_she’s threatening to pour holy water on me_

**Fatin:**

_i will literally drive there rn to save u_

**Toni:**

_[selfie photo where Toni is throwing up a peace sign while wearing a tiara and pink pageant sash]_

_bye y’all_

**Dot:**

_oh my fucking god_

**Fatin:**

_holy shit im making that my phone wallpaper_

**Dot:**

_i need this printed out and framed on my wall but also im scared of this new toni_

“Okay okay I’m putting my phone away.” Toni puts up her hands in mock surrender when Shelby throws her a judging look. 

“We’re never gonna get anything done if you keep looking at your phone,” Shelby accuses. 

“It was really important that I show you all those tiktoks though. I think that break increased our productivity by at least 80%! Besides, we have like, three weeks before this thing is due,” Toni defends. “Also, I had to reply to those texts or else Fatin would’ve thought you had kidnapped me or something.”

“Yeah, but between your basketball practice and my extracurriculars, we really only have a few weekends to work on this. Tell Fatin I’d never kidnap you. You’d be such an annoying hostage.” Shelby’s moved onto her bed now. She’s laying stomach down, with her arms propping her head up, and her feet waving in the air. “Can you come read this and double check it?” She sits back up to make room for Toni and pats the spot next to her on the bed. 

“Yeah sure. Just give me 10 minutes to dig myself out of this beanbag chair.” Toni plops herself down on the bed and leans over to get a closer look at the laptop screen. “Yeah, that sounds good to me. I think you can actually delete this part though.” 

“Okay cool. I think we can probably stop working now then. Sorry we went so late.” 

Toni realizes it’s already dark outside and checks the time. It’s already 6 pm and the amount of work they actually got done definitely could’ve been accomplished in an hour. “It’s chill. I had fun hanging out with you.”

“Well, if you don’t have any plans tonight, you could stay for dinner? We could order pizza?” Shelby asks shyly. 

“I guess I can make time in my very busy schedule for that _,_ ” Toni says.

Shelby grabs her phone and starts ordering a pizza. “What toppings do you want?”

“Hmm…I’m fine with whatever. Just no olives.”

“Okay, so one large cheese pizza with only olives, got it,” Shelby says with a wink.

“Alright hand me the phone now I don’t trust you.” Toni playfully grabs Shelby’s phone out of her hand. 

“Hey! Give that back.” Shelby’s giggling and moving to wrestle the phone out of Toni’s grip. She pushes Toni on her shoulders, sending her back down on the bed. They laugh for a few seconds as Shelby struggles to retrieve the phone, which she manages to yank out of Toni’s hand. As they catch their breath from laughing, they seem to both suddenly realize that Shelby is straddling Toni and touching her arm. Shelby quickly rolls off and clears her throat. Toni can feel her cheeks turning red and sits back up. 

“Honestly, I’d probably still eat a pizza with only olives, but I draw the line at adding pineapple to an olive pizza,” Toni jokes to try and cut the tension in the air.

Shelby lets out a small laugh, her cheeks tinged pink. She ends up just ordering a pepperoni pizza to keep it simple. Shelby turns on the tv in her room and they decide to watch a _Survivor_ marathon after Toni explains that it’s Dot’s favorite show and that she’s always meant to watch more of it.

They’re finishing up the pizza, and Toni chuckles when she sees Shelby has some sauce on the corner of her mouth.

“What? What’s so funny?” Shelby asks.

Toni laughs again. “You just have a little—” She reaches over with a napkin to wipe the sauce off. Shelby swallows thickly at the contact and licks her lips. They don’t break eye contact and Shelby moves one hand to the side of Toni’s face. They lean in so that their foreheads are touching and Toni’s eyes flicker down to Shelby’s lips, but she’s too scared to push this any further. Shelby kisses her, and this time it’s slow and deliberate. They pull apart slowly and Toni just looks at her with questioning eyes. Toni is leaning back with one hand on the floor, supporting her. Shelby moves her hand to cover Toni’s and gently rubs the back of Toni’s hand with her thumb. Toni can feel her heart fluttering in her chest.

“Uh…I should probably go home now,” Toni says awkwardly. She’s afraid to do anything else with Shelby, given what Shelby said last time they were alone. 

“Okay.” Shelby sounds out of breath. She walks Toni to the front door and they stand there for a minute, both not sure how to end the night. Shelby gives Toni a quick, shy kiss on the cheek before saying, “Good night Toni.”

“Yeah, okay. Bye.” 

Toni goes to bed thinking about Shelby again. She’s worried that they’re doomed to repeat the same cycle where they kiss, then Shelby comes to her senses, and declares they need to just be friends which Toni is finding increasingly difficult. She wakes up to one new message. 

**Shelby:**

_Do you want to go to the planetarium with me?_


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will be a bit slower right now but don't worry I'm still working on this when I can! Thanks for reading :-)

**Shelby:**

_Do you want to go to the planetarium with me?_

Shelby tries very hard not to second guess sending this text. She had a restless night spent over-analyzing their kiss and wondering why Toni had just left immediately after. She had no idea what she was doing anymore when it came to Toni. She just couldn’t stop thinking about her, no matter how hard she tried not to. This scared her beyond belief; Shelby’s so used to being in complete control of everything (especially her feelings), but Toni makes her want to lose control. 

She gets a morning workout done and tries to not check her phone constantly. Shelby reminds herself that Toni likes to sleep in pretty late on the weekends.

**Toni:**

_today?_

**Shelby:**

_Good morning and yes_

**Toni:**

_u want to go to the planetarium with me today???_

**Shelby:**

_If you don’t wanna go u can just say no Toni like I said before I would never kidnap you_

**Toni:**

_no i wanna go_

_or like yes i wanna go_

_thx for not kidnapping me, i will instead be a voluntary hostage_

**Shelby:**

_Great I can pick you up in like 2 hours?_

**Toni:**

_yea c u then_

_This is just two friends hanging out._ Shelby tells herself to calm down. _It’s totally normal for friends to hang out. Even if they kiss sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with that._ _You’re not going to kiss again. It’s not like this is a date or anything. Definitely not a date. Toni probably wouldn’t even date a girl like you. She deserves someone who knows exactly what they want. Also, most importantly, you have a boyfriend. Andrew. Is it normal to want to kiss a friend more than you’ve ever wanted to kiss your boyfriend?_ Shelby has to stop herself before she really spirals down this train of thought. She takes a shower and spends way too long trying to decide what to wear. She finally decides to put on a simple, black crewneck sweater paired with a checkered skirt and crew length white socks. 

**Shelby:**

_On my way over!_

**Toni:**

_cool_

Shelby pulls up to Toni’s place and sees her sitting outside playing with the laces on her black Vans. Toni gives her a wave and walks over to the passenger side door.

“Hey,” Toni says while buckling her seatbelt. “Thanks for picking me up.”

“Hi,” is all Shelby manages to say back. Something between them feels different, but Shelby can’t tell if it’s just in her head.

“You look cute,” Toni says while giving her a once over.

“Oh. Thanks. You’re uh, you are also cute,” Shelby eventually stutters out.

Toni graciously chooses not to tease Shelby over her nervous reply. “So…why the planetarium?” Toni tries to ask as casually as possible.

Shelby shrugs and acts like it’s no big deal. “You mentioned you never got to go as a kid, and I really like the planetarium. So I thought it would be fun to go.”

“You’re such a fucking dork,” Toni teases. “I’m surprised you want to see me two days in a row.” She adds the last part a bit quietly.

“Why wouldn’t I want to see you?” Shelby doesn’t want to skirt around her feelings anymore. “I like hanging out with you.” It’s not exactly what she wants to say, but it’s good enough for now. Shelby’s basically already admitted before that she likes Toni, but she’s made sure to never explicitly say that she likes her more than a friend.

Toni seems surprised by this answer. She turns to look out the car window. “I like hanging out with you too.” This surprises Shelby as she was expecting a typical sarcastic Toni reply. 

Shelby blushes and goes to turn on the radio. They don’t talk much for the rest of the drive, both a little more nervous than usual.

The planetarium itself is inside of a science museum. It’s fairly empty, mostly just parents preoccupied with trying to wrangle their wandering kids. Shelby figured they probably wouldn’t run into anyone they knew here. They get their tickets and wander into the first exhibit. Shelby suppresses a smile as she watches Toni excitedly run over to an interactive display about the moon. 

“Dude, check out this rock. It’s literally a rock from the _moon_ , that’s so sick.” Toni tugs on Shelby’s arm to get her attention.

Shelby raises an eyebrow and says, “I didn’t know you were so into the moon.”

“Um, are you kidding me? Space is _so_ cool. Who isn’t into the moon? That shit controls the ocean and tides and stuff.” Toni looks at Shelby like she can’t believe she even has to explain herself. “There’s just a whole universe out there that we have no idea about.”

“Who knew you were such a nerd?” Shelby says with a small laugh. “The moon is very cool,” she adds in agreement. 

They continue walking through the museum, and at one point they’re arguing about which way to go. Toni takes Shelby’s hand to lead her in the direction she wants to go, and then neither of them let go. As Shelby laces her fingers through Toni’s, Toni looks away to avoid letting Shelby see the heat rising to her cheeks. They stay holding hands until Shelby spots a penny press machine and insists on getting both of them a penny souvenir. 

“Okay which design do you want?” Shelby inserts the needed coins into the machine.

Toni spends a minute looking at the available designs. “I’m torn between the dinosaur and the spaceship.”

“You should get the spaceship one. Because you’re so out of this world,” Shelby says with a wink.

“Oh my god. You did not just say that out loud. I suddenly have to go,” Toni jokes while shaking her head.

Shelby playfully smacks Toni’s arm. “Hey, I’m the one paying for this penny so don’t make fun of me.”

“Right, right, you’re really shelling out the big bucks. You really know how to make a girl feel special. How much is this again?” Toni pretends to dramatically search for the sign displaying the price. “Oh, 50 cents each? Are you really sure you wanna do this Shelby? I’d hate for you to be broke afterwards. Also, you should get the shooting star one.”

Shelby rolls her eyes at Toni and cranks the machine. She hands Toni her flattened penny. “I’m sure you think it’s dumb to pay money to ruin a perfectly good penny, but now I have physical evidence that you willingly hung out with me.”

Toni smiles at her. “It’s definitely kind of a scam to pay 50 cents to watch a machine flatten a penny, but thank you for the penny. I’ll cherish it forever, and who knows, maybe after the apocalypse the new form of currency will be novelty flattened pennies.” She looks back at the penny and rubs her fingers over the embossed design. 

“Okay but would they have different value based on their designs?” Shelby asks, going along with Toni’s scenario.

“Hm, definitely. Some designs are just objectively cooler and would therefore be worth more.” Toni carefully tucks the penny into her wallet for safekeeping. 

“So how much would ours be worth?” Shelby looks at Toni questioningly. 

“Priceless, can’t put a number on these bad boys,” Toni says with a grin. 

They still have some time to kill before the planetarium show, so they go to the museum cafe to grab a snack. They each get a cone of vanilla soft serve ice cream. Shelby finds herself trying not to stare at Toni licking her ice cream cone. Luckily, Toni is too busy enjoying her snack to notice Shelby ogling at her. 

“Hey, careful your ice cream’s melting,” Toni points out as she hands Shelby a napkin. 

Shelby snaps out of it and wipes her hand. “Oh. Thanks, guess I need to eat this faster.” 

“Yeah, you slowpoke. You’re gonna be left with ice cream soup in a cone if you keep up that pace.” 

“Well here, help me eat some then.” Shelby shoves her soft serve in Toni’s face. Her depth perception is off and she ends up hitting Toni in the nose with her ice cream. 

Toni scrunches up her nose. “Ow, that’s cold.”

“Oh gosh, sorry! I did not mean to do that.” Shelby quickly moves to wipe it away with a napkin. She pretends not to notice the way Toni gulps and looks at her when she does this. 

“You’re such a messy eater,” Toni says with a smirk. She leans forward and takes a bite from Shelby’s cone. 

“That was an accident! I’m usually very neat,” Shelby defends. 

Toni just laughs at this and stands up from her seat. “C’mon, the show’s gonna start soon. Your slow ass can eat that on the walk over.” Their hands drift back together, and Toni pulls Shelby’s hand up to her face. “Gross. Your hand is all sticky.”

Shelby quickly pulls her hand back, feeling embarrassed. “Oh, it’s from that darn ice cream.”

Toni laughs and takes her hand again. “It’s okay. Here I’ll clean it off.” She takes one of Shelby’s fingers and jokingly licks it. Toni didn’t mean for the action to be sexual at all, but Shelby can’t help feeling her mouth go dry at the action. Toni drops her hand when she realizes Shelby didn’t pull away in disgust like she thought she would. Shelby glances around to make sure they’re alone, so she doesn’t scar some poor kid with the sight, and without taking her eyes off Toni, she puts two of her fingers in her mouth, lightly sucks on them, and then slowly pulls them out of her mouth. Toni just stares at her with her mouth slightly ajar like her brain is short-circuiting. Shelby desperately wants Toni to kiss her in that moment, but neither of them make a move.

Shelby drags a half catatonic Toni to the planetarium, where they find a seat far away from everyone else. Shelby watches Toni look around at the huge dome above them. The lights begin to dim and Shelby purposefully rests her hand on the armrest between her and Toni. She feels Toni hesitantly hook their fingers together. She bites her lip and rubs her thumb over Toni’s fingers. The planetarium goes completely dark and soon they’re being taken on a journey through space and time. 

“Whoaaa,” Toni whispers as the projection simulates zooming out from Earth into space. “It’s so wild how small we really are in the universe.”

“Yeah, I’ve never felt so small and insignificant,” Shelby whispers back. 

“Kinda freeing though right? Like truly nothing we do matters—or like it does, but we’re just this tiny speck in the universe.” Toni pauses. “Aliens are totally fucking real.”

Shelby thinks about this. In this moment, she thinks Toni is right, she should live her life how she wants because human life is so short and inconsequential, but then she thinks about how it would really feel to lose everything she knows. She’s always admired and been a bit jealous of Toni’s “I don’t give a fuck” attitude. Her mind goes blank when she feels Toni’s hand let go of her’s to move to her bare knee. Toni still has her eyes on the domed screen all above them, but her thumb is moving to gently rub the top of Shelby’s knee. This touch alone is driving Shelby crazy. Toni seems completely oblivious to how she’s making Shelby feel, her gaze still fixed on the projected stars. Shelby tugs on her sleeve.

“Hm?” Toni turns to look at Shelby and is very unprepared for what happens next. Shelby leans in and grabs the front of Toni’s shirt to pull her mouth closer. Their lips meet and Toni is stunned for a second before she kisses Shelby back. Toni’s hand slides a little further up Shelby’s thigh which causes her to quietly gasp into Toni’s mouth. She pulls back and finds Toni’s eyes in the darkness of the planetarium. 

“I forgot there’s kids in here,” Shelby giggles under her breath. They’re seated far away enough from anyone to avoid being caught, but once Shelby remembers where they are she figures it can wait.

“Oh fuck. Yeah okay, mood killed. You were distracting me from learning more about space anyway.” Toni leans back into her seat, but reaches out to continue holding Shelby’s hand.

After the lights come back on, they practically race out of there and find themselves pressed against each other in a private restroom that’s meant for one person or parents and their children.

“You look so fucking good in this skirt,” Toni whispers lowly into Shelby’s ear. She lightly tugs at Shelby’s earlobe with her teeth. Toni has Shelby pinned against the wall and is using one arm to help support Shelby’s leg that’s wrapped around Toni. Her other hand has slipped under Shelby’s sweater to touch at the hot skin on her back as they make out.

Shelby spent so much time being confused because she was taught to be flattered from any attention from a man, but also that sex before marriage is a sin, so she always figured her aversion to anything physical with Andrew was because of that. The church was always preaching that sex is something sacred between a man and his wife. She really thought she would stay abstinent because she never wanted to go any further than light kissing with Andrew, but now she’s thinking she’d definitely let Toni fuck her in a planetarium restroom.

There’s a loud knock on the door that makes Toni swiftly let go of Shelby’s leg so that it falls back to the floor. “Fuck,” Toni groans. She pulls away from Shelby, who can’t help the small whine that leaves her mouth at the lost of contact. Toni laughs and gives her a sweet kiss on the cheek. “We should probably get outta here.” 

Shelby smooths her hands over her skirt and fixes her hair in the restroom mirror. They leave the bathroom and try to ignore the questioning look from the mom waiting outside. 

“God, do you think she knew what we were doing in there?” Shelby questions as they walk through the parking lot.

“Who cares? Not like we knew her anyway,” Toni says with a shrug. 

Shelby checks her phone when they get back to her car.

**Andrew:**

_Babe wyd tonite?_

_Hello??_

_Whatever. I’m gonna chill at Trevor’s place later if u wanna come by_

Shelby sighs and puts her phone away without responding. She was honestly surprised Andrew hasn’t broken up with her yet considering how little time she spends with him lately, but knows he likes having her around as eye candy and to show off to friends and family. 

“This was fun. We should go star gazing for real sometime,” Toni suggests. 

“Are you asking me out?” Shelby teases. 

“And what if I am?” Toni flirts back.

Shelby bites her lip and hates how easy it is for Toni to make her blush. “Well, I guess I’d have to say yes.”

“Oh yeah?” Toni sounds like she’s testing her. “But you know, that would kind of make us…more than ‘just friends’."

“Yeah I reckon it would…” Shelby keeps her eyes on the road as she drives Toni home, even though she can feel Toni gazing at her like she’s trying to read her mind. 

When they get to Toni’s house, Toni pauses before opening the door to get out and turns to Shelby. “Hey, um, no one’s supposed to be home for like the next hour or two, if you want to come in?” 

That’s how Shelby finds herself being ushered into Toni’s bedroom for the first time. “Hey! You do have one of those basketball hoop trash cans!” Shelby points out.

“Yeah check this out.” Toni finds some loose trash in the room and proceeds to throw it straight into the trash can through the net.

“Wow, impressive. I’m sure that always gets the girls.” Shelby moves to sit on the bed. “I’m a little disappointed you don’t actually sleep on a race-car bed.”

Toni sits next to her on the bed. “Blame Martha’s brother, this used to be his room.” They sit there for a minute and Toni looks around the room like she’s not sure what to do now.

“Can you just kiss me already?” Shelby looks at Toni expectantly. She knows they’re working with a limited amount of time that she doesn’t want to waste with just talking. 

Toni looks at her with raised eyebrows before pushing her back onto the bed. They kiss all rough and hot, with Toni’s tongue pushing its way into Shelby’s mouth. Shelby is overwhelmed by how good it feels to have Toni pressed this closely into her. She grabs at the bottom of Toni’s shirt and they sit up so she can tug it over Toni’s head. She goes ahead and takes off her own sweater too. She doesn’t want to go slow anymore, but Toni’s hands stay respectfully planted at her sides. 

“I want you to touch me,” Shelby whispers, not sure where this confidence is coming from. 

Toni swallows nervously. Her eyes are filled with concern which Shelby finds endearing. “Are you sure?” 

Without breaking eye contact, Shelby takes off her skirt and tosses it over the bed. “I’m sure.”

“Fuck.” Toni doesn’t need much encouragement after that. The rest of their clothes are done away with and Shelby is a writhing mess underneath Toni. “You’re so pretty it’s driving me crazy,” Toni tells her as she plants kisses down her neck.

Shelby is so turned on she thinks she might combust into flames any second now. She fights back a groan when Toni’s hands move to her chest.

Toni’s hand moves lower and lower, exploring all of Shelby’s body, until she’s gently pressing a finger inside of her. “Is this okay?” 

Shelby nods and Toni hears her swear for the first time. “Yes, fuck—Toni, keep going.”

“Okay, just tell me if you want me to stop.”

“You’re sweet but please shut up and touch me.”

Shelby doesn’t last much longer once Toni starts telling her how good she feels, her voice low and husky. Shelby’s soon moaning out Toni’s name, and her thigh rubs against Toni right where she needs it. Toni’s biting her lip hard as she grinds down on Shelby, who pulls Toni in for a deep kiss. Shelby looks at Toni in awe trying to burn this moment into her memory. Shelby rocks up into Toni and before long Toni’s shaking above her and breathing unevenly. Toni hovers above Shelby with just their foreheads touching before kissing her way down Shelby’s body. She makes Shelby come again under her mouth. 

As they lay together, all sweaty and heavy breathing, Shelby looks over at Toni and realizes this might be what falling in love feels like.


End file.
